Boyfriend and my spots :(

[feelingfedupofit]

I'm late 30s but still get bad spots.. All over checks, neck and back. Probably not severe enough to be classed as acne, just at certain times of the month.
Been with my bf (early 40s) for just over a year and he's in the annoying habit of starting at my spots when speaking to me.. Also asks stupid questions like "what's that?" (knowing full well exactly what it is).
In other ways he's kind, caring and thoughtful. My family and friends all like him and so do I, except when he's asking stupid questions, drawing attention to my spots. He's 42, independent, own home, good career etc but this stuff with the spots makes him sounds like teenager.
I don't know if he does it with the intention of upsetting me, he always has tone of "concern" in his voice when asking.
How do I get him to stop, just stop!. His questions aren't helpful. I've recently said if my spots are a problem, then feel free to end things but then he got upset.
Tired of it all though tbh.

I had adult acne until I took roaccutane OP, so I know how it feels, it really dented my confidence! I would sit him down and have a serious conversation about how it makes you feel and if it continues, you’ll be forced to revaluate the relationship.

The only thing you can do is tell him in no uncertain terms how it makes you feel and ask him to stop. If he doesn't stop, in spite of knowing how it makes you feel, then you will need to end it.

He sounds ridiculously immature for 42. You deserve better

He is rude. If it makes you feel bad, you need to tell him. He's either careless and inconsiderate or worse, this is low level abuse designed to make you feel insecure.
Regarding your skin, it doesn't sound bad but it is annoying and sometimes painful, and you are able to go to the doctors even for mild occasional acne. They won't turn you away for it being minimal, so don't feel like you can't go if you would like a bit of help with it.

Does he ask you what these spots are every month? But surely he knows they're just spots?
He doesn't sound kind to me.

I’d be commenting on an aspect of his appearance that he has no control over and see how he likes that. He sounds so immature

No, he isn't nice. It’s a form of putting you down; he knows full well what he’s doing. I would dump. I’m older than you and recognise the signs of control here, he’s only going to get worse.

Tell him straight that he is never to ask you that question again.

He knows full well what spots are - and that’s the type of question a teenage boy would ask when they wanted to humiliate someone.

I’d point to his dick and ask what’s that? But yeah get rid of him. Bastard.

God he's an idiot.

Why do you put him in control of whether or not he leaves you?

I'd be telling him straight out - once and for all - to stop staring, stop asking, stop being a dimwit and/or willingly obnoxious, or else I'll be deciding he's out.

Ask the same question, next time you see his penis.

Point out his wrinkles and grey hair. Every time you see one say "whats that?"

In fact I agree with pp...I wouldn't be giving him another chance.

He's either really dumb or a twat, and either way I just couldn't respect a man like that.

Just stare at and point out his growing bald spot/beer belly/whatever he feels or should feel self conscious about. When he complains tell him that’s how you feel about him pointing out your spots.

Wait until he's not performing well and ask him why he doesn't know how to please you or why hasn't he got the stamina of a 25 year old.

Looking at him objectively, @feelingfedupofit, is he god's gift? Or is he just a very mediocre, very middling man who really ought to do better?

How do you get him to stop? You tell him that he's being rude and annoying and to stop it right now! If he carries on, do you really want to be in a relationship with him?

annoying habit of starting at my spots when speaking to me.. Also asks stupid questions like "what's that?" (knowing full well exactly what it is).

Emotional abuse in the form of put downs. He knows this will hurt you.

In other ways he's kind, caring and thoughtful. My family and friends all like him

Of course they do because he’ll portray himself as a charming man in company. Men who put down their partners always know how to act like decent people when they should. It’s all part of how he’ll make you question your own judgement.

I don't know if he does it with the intention of upsetting me, he always has tone of "concern" in his voice when asking.

Again, he is not concerned for you. He wants you to be sufficiently shamed because you’re not meeting his ‘standards’.

I've recently said if my spots are a problem, then feel free to end things but then he got upset.

Classic gaslighting to make you question your judgement on the situation. He is making you feel bad about yourself but he is upset? Not because he hurt you but because you’re calling him out on it.

He sounds tedious and immature. And a more than a bit nasty as well. My skin isn’t great but my current partner has never mentioned it, even when I’m having a flare up.

Personally I’d dump him but maybe take a red Sharpie and draw spots all over his face while he’s asleep first.

First thing you might want to do is ask your doctor to refer you to a dermatologist. I suddenly developed severe acne in my mid 20s...like yours, it was all over my neck, forehead and back. When I saw the dermatologist he immediately said it was cystic acne and prescribed roaccutane. That was in the early November, by Christmas of that year my skin was completely clear. I'd get the odd spot or two when my period was due, but that was it.

Regarding your boyfriend, I'd get rid of him, too. He sounds as shallow as puddle and shouldn't be making you so self-conscious.

I would make him your ex now and see a dermatologist re your skin as this seems to be hormone driven.

Not excusing this in anyway, but he might be a sporner. It’s a weird almost uncontrollable compulsion to want to pick/squeeze spots. Obviously still very much his problem to sort out as it’s no excuse for upsetting you by drawing attention to them!

I had spots after my second and they were sooooo bad. I’m early 30s. Been using dermatica since July and my skin is so clear smooth and glowy. Definitely give it a go

He sounds like a thicko who doesn't have even the most basic knowledge of human biology and knows nothing about hormones.

I'd forfeit buying him a nice birthday present and get him a book on human biology so he can expand his knowledge and not ask stupid questions every month.

Or I'd dump him.

Most likely the latter.

He sounds like a bit of a bully. These comments are hurtful and he'd have to be really stupid not to realise that.

Goodness me, what a nasty man. You owe it to yourself to get rid of him before he completely destroys your self esteem. Stop wasting your time on him; he knows exactly what he's doing. Every single time. What a prick.