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Original poster

Anyone very contented being single but open to a relationship .. in their fifties?

32 replies

straightasapoker · 13/04/2025 19:28

Just that really.. and if you are happy single despite being open to something, do you pursue dating or are you leaving it in the hands of the gods ?! I’m in that in between place.. adore my own time, company and being captain of my
own ship but would enjoy a companion/ lover… with no intention of living together/ step parenting/ sharing finances etc.
is it too much to ask do you think? Too selfish?

OP posts:
DinoLil · 14/04/2025 19:10

I'm early 50s, been single for donkeys! Own home, mortgage free, dog, what more do I need?

Not looking and would probably (and have) turned down any opportunities.

StarCourt · 14/04/2025 19:13

Split from XH 13 years ago, 2 years later after lots of dreadful dates, I met someone. I did everything right and didn’t introduce him to DD until we’d been seeing each other for 14 months ( she was 6 at the time ) and we still mostly saw each other every other weekend when DD was with her dad with the odd foray out with DD involved once a month or so. After 2 years together he started to show his true colours and began to lie about a few things. I didn’t really think too much of it until he told a lie that affected DD, I called him out on it and he was massively apologetic, but it seemed to set the tone from then on and I ended things. 4 Years after that I started a relationship with somebody I had known on and off for a few years but not well. We had great chemistry and similar intellect but my god his hygiene was atrocious. I brought it up with him a few times but he wouldn’t take me seriously so after 8 months I ended it. In between that, dates with men who lied about height, about whether or not they could drive , about having a job, about being single etc etc it just put me off. I’ve had FWB thing going on for a few years but we only see each other 3 or so times a year and that’s fizzling out due to his health. I honestly don’t have it in me to date again, to go through the endless getting to know you conversations yada yada. I really really miss having a sex life and the odd night out but I just can’t do it again .

QueefQueen80s · 14/04/2025 19:19

MiddleAgedDread · 14/04/2025 12:53

Late 40's but had been forever single and wasn't even thinking about dating until someone I met through a hobby group asked me out! It's very much a companion / lover type relationship at the moment and after a year there's been no discussion of us taking it to the level where we consider moving in together. It's nice, really nice, and something I didn't expect to find at this age!

That’s awesome! Why didn’t you expect to find it? I’m having more fun and dates in my 40s than any other decade 😆

PaulGa · 14/04/2025 19:24

crackofdoom · 14/04/2025 12:13

I'm 51 and, after 4 years of dogged OLD I met someone last year. He was great at first, but gradually, as he let more and more of his true self show, I realised he wanted more from me than he was willing to give. Eg he has severe mental health problems that, although he worked hard at managing them, became more and more difficult for me to cope with, specifically his demands that I should just know how to treat him in the exact, precise way he needed to be treated in order for him not to spiral downwards (I'm talking specific phrases etc). It became increasingly draining, and I started to suspect that he was using his mental health as an front for abusive behaviour, so I got rid.

This is after a lifelong history of abusive/ disappointing relationships. It's sad that I still can't discern the initial red flags in these men- is it me or is it them? Maybe most single men in their 50s have serious issues?

Anyhoo, for the first time in my life I feel that I genuinely can't be bothered. I have a fairly high sex drive, but I can't even be bothered to find someone to get my rocks off with any more.

I'm not blowing my own trumpet, but I have been more educated, interesting, creative, funny, supportive and positive than pretty much everyone I've dated, and I just haven't got it in me to raise another substandard man up again.

Your comment about not being bothered struck a chord with me. I'm 54M, divorced for 9 years and am happy with my own company. Sometimes I think about looking for a relationship but I think about all the effort involved. Originally my thought process was "maybe I'm just too old for this." That's why it struck a chord because actually I'm wondering if I just can't be bothered any more.

Equally I've found that everyone in my past has been "substandard" (I like that word) - to the point of having psychological issues (makes me wonder if I am attracting a particular type of person,) so again the "can't be bothered" crops up again. i.e. Why do I keep putting myself through this and ending up with the people that are damaged.

Sometimes all I actually want to do is just to cuddle up on the sofa watching TV with a like-minded person (rather than the full-on dating/relationship) but there doesn't appear to be any kind service like this (maybe I should go on Dragon's Den!)

You just helped me so thank you :)

MiddleAgedDread · 14/04/2025 20:58

QueefQueen80s · 14/04/2025 19:19

That’s awesome! Why didn’t you expect to find it? I’m having more fun and dates in my 40s than any other decade 😆

Show quote history

Dunno, I guess I wasn’t really looking for it, all my friends coupled up and married years ago and now have teenage kids etc. and I’ve never had that, but at the time I had nothing to loose by saying yes to a date when asked…..and the rest as they say is history!!

wavingfuriously · 14/04/2025 21:08

Can't really afford completely new fitted wardrobe ...just wondered if anyone ever bought made to measure wardrobe doors online please? and was it a good or bad experience? ta

SoloSofa24 · 14/04/2025 21:21

I ended one relationship in my early 50s as I realised I would rather be single than in a relationship with a rather needy, anxious, dependent person.

I was very happily getting on with my life when a year or so later I met someone through mutual friends, and five years later we are very happily involved in each other's lives but with a firm agreement that we are not going to live together full time, get married or be each other's carers.

I would heartily recommend that sort of arrangement at our sort of age, particularly if you can afford to live alone.

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