The loneliness of being a mother to teenagers

[ForTheLoveOfGod82]

Without sounding dramatic, I feel like I’m losing my boys. I’ve been a single mum to them since a difficult separation with their Dad, 4 years ago - so life looks completely different to the family unit I’d hoped for us.
They spend a lot of time in their rooms and I sometimes think that they wouldn’t notice if I was bloody dead until they needed feeding. They’re good kids, I just feel so lonely and I feel sad that we aren’t as close as I’d like.
People tell me that this is normal but I just don’t know. Just need a hand hold I suppose.

Organise some fun activities or trips, buy a kareoki machine, go work out together, whatever it is they and you are into… get creative!

You're not loosing them, they just need space. In the nicest possibly way, this is not about you. I'll try to find some links which explain the structural brain changes that teenage boys brains go through, it's not talked about enough. Throw a whole bunch of testosterone in there & it's surprising anyone makes it through. You're not alone, they do come back.
Your need to find a way to cope with your loneliness, it's not for children to fix, especially not hormonal teenage boys.

Yes it’s crap. Really lonely! It gets easier, in my experience they start coming out to chat voluntarily after a bit of self imposed isolation. Have some friends to dinner; reclaim your kitchen/living room;go out more; go away!

It's so so normal. It's not personal. I have a 15 half year old. He spends all time when not at school or work online with friends. Unless he needs food then he appears. Or out with friends. It's normal. I'm just grateful he has friends.

Maybe use thus time ad freedom to start doing more things for you

Yes completely normal.

find a hobby or do what I did which was take up drinking wine and gardening, sometimes at the same time

Think it's teenagers in general op, also it's easy for them to get lost in there bedrooms now with all the technology,

Not sure hos old yours are, but try and get them away from the tec for a bit , try Friday/ Sunday night movie night with pizza and popcorn were you all can spend a couple of hours together, same for meal time, make it a family time no phones Just food and talk , have one to help clean up after meal with you, that way gives you some one to one with the person, make them takes it in turns each night, just so you can have a chat with them alone,
Can you do a cinema night or meal out once a fortnight with them,
Sat/sun walk in the park woods, can they ride bikes,
Just a few suggestions op,
I use to do shopping trip, little lunch didn't need to spend to much just normal things they might need, pe kit, new underwear just making it ' our time'
My children still mention these trips out now and there 40 plus now,
Do they have jobs to do around the home,

Agree with others, find things to do together, even if you have to grit your teeth to enjoy them.
And do things for you, you have so much freedom now…see friends, exercise, do whatever you want!

You sound wonderful, bless you

It’s not personal OP - it’s just what teenagers do.

I understand as I remember looking at my moody grumpy 13/14/15 year old and wondering where my gorgeous little boy who adores me has gone.

Going on holiday to Greece with a 14 year old was the worst - I might as well have gone solo. He just wanted to sleep, sit in shade and go to same bloody bar with a pool table and dart board every night. But after first couple of days I embraced my few hours peace every morning and chilled on a sunlounger with headphones on.

I used those teen years to find myself new friends, start going out to adult events again. and go back to being me not just someone’s mum

Mine is 20 now and he’s coming back - slowly but the signs of being a communicative human being are there

My teenager is out living her best life. Outside of school she’s a social butterfly so I put my spare time into taking really good care of myself, time and effort into a relationship and I’m busy doing my whole house up.

It was hard at first but now I’m embracing it.

Thank you,
It's bloody hard work tho, but you reap the benefits later on as young adults, it's lovely when they come back, adolescence is a bit like menopause in reverse, yes really, I worked in health care and remember a doctors conversation about adolescence and menopause being a very thin line, made me think, and laugh, I am now that conversation and it's so so true, am just glad I put in the time and push it a bit as meal times, movie nights as I wouldn't of seen them otherwise, yes me with gritted teeth, my children with uncontrollably eye rolling and lack of head control, honestly I did wonder at times if they had neck issues as their heads could hobby, 😀

It's normal for them to want to do that but that doesn't mean they should always be in their rooms. Try and set aside time where you are all together as a family, could be breakfast and dinner times (that's our family), could be a weekend brunch, or whenever suits. If possible spend time one on one with each of them now and again too, a shopping trip or out for coffee? They think they don't need you so much now, but actually they do.

Wobble 😂