How to get over a covert narcissist

[crystalhip]

Struggling with the break down of my relationship. Every single thing points to him being a covert narcissist. Two weeks ago he ended it with me, not for the first time in our relationship only this time I’m being strong (for now) and not going grovelling to him. I have been referred for therapy, however it’s going to be a few weeks yet before I get to see someone. What can I do in the mean time to stop myself contacting him and stop feeling so utterly devastated?

Write a list of all the horrible things he did and stick it to your fridge.

Educate yourself. Read, watch YouTube, listen to podcasts. Get wise, rebuild your resilience, fill your life with self-care and people who refuel your mental and physical energy.

Once you see all the red flags & signs, you can’t unsee them. They are largely incapable of change, don’t continue being their supply.

If you go back you’ll get sucked back in to a repeated cycle of love bombing & idealisation followed by devaluation & discard. Don’t choose that for yourself. Unless you want a life of anxiety, fear and uncertainty.

Watch Debbie Mirza on YouTube

https://youtube.com/@debbiemirza1744?si=KP8GmkUnfU03xOw0

Keep it as a phone app whenever you remember good times.

Also I cannot strongly enough recommend 'it's not you' by dr ramani it was so enlightening to me and I felt so validated and understood , plus she gives actual practical coping tips

Also block him

And don't ever JADE justify argue defend or explain to him.

Do you have kids? If so 'how to annihilate a narcissist in the family court' is a must read

I would recommend Kim Saeed on Youtube and also H G Tudor, both of whom have fantastic videos.

I did meditation for dealing with emotional abuse and narcissism and found those helpful.

I completely understand the craving and reading on trauma bonds would also help you. I bought a book which was useful called becoming the narcissists nightmare.

Delete number, call history, texts and photos. Complete cold turkey. Fastest way to get over.

Richard Grannon is fabulous for this.

I’m in a situation where I gave a Narcissistic man a 2nd chance. And he’s done exactly what he did the first time; completely abused my kindness, used me, ghosted me repeatedly, made plans and not even shown up or apologised and then called me crazy for calling him out on any of it. He’s also given just enough breadcrumbs to keep me there for him.
I feel pretty terrible and naive for trying to see the good in him and helping him out TWICE.
so the plan is to write a note on my phone of alllll of the things he’s done that are bad. And to add to it every time I think of something.
Ive blocked him on everything.
Im journaling every morning to free it from my brain.
every time i want to message him i message a friend instead.
It will get easier, and one day we’ll realise we dodged a bullet.

Every time you feel like you might want to make contact remember the awful things you’ve been on the receiving end of.
Don't get ‘hoovered’ back in.
Read ‘why does he do that’…it’s scary how they all follow the same script!!!!! Once you know the signs you can spot them a mile off.

This 100% - remove all trace from social media too. If you shared a house, change things around, like a pic you bought together, bedding he liked etc. and put your stamp on it. Even just repaint the bedroom can make a difference.

Block on all forms and dont be tempted when drunk or sad to contact. If anything ask a good friend to be 'him' - ie, if you want to message then you message them instead.