AIBU to think this is a bit of a shitty thing to say?

[OneHardyMintZebra]

So my partner is very into fitness/health etc and likes to good which isn’t a problem. He does go on about people being ‘fat’ quite a lot, people who I would consider not fat but yes maybe slightly overweight. So the topic comes up regularly (in a jokey way) that he wouldn’t want me physically if I put on weight. This has recently led to a conversation about changing as we get older in relation to our appearance as I feel it’s inevitable that I potentially won’t be as attractive when I’m older to what I am now. Therefore queried whether natural changes would alter his sexual desire. All he could say is it’s science that men want their partner to look good and he needs to be sexually attracted to me to have sex with me. I understand that but feel that it’s very superficial that my aging for example might change that for him. AIBU?! As right now I’m thinking of leaving him as I feel that’s mental. And I’m thinking I’ll just be waiting around to see if/when he no longer fancies me which just feels very depressing.

Did you tell him you may not want him when his balls get saggy and he has ED? What will he do if he gets dementia? Will you leave him then?
dickhead

He’s being honest I suppose. I’m not sure I would stick around and wait to find out if he’d dump me for a younger, thinner model though.

Even when I was heavier and hated parts of myself, DH still told me how much he loved me and how gorgeous I was every day. It definitely didn’t stop him wanting to have sex with me either.
When he put weight on, after being put on steroids, it didn’t stop me loving him and having sex with him, nor did him losing most of his hair and going grey!
Your partner sounds really shallow.

There is nothing jokey about what he says OP : he is actually telling you he is only interested in you so long as you are slim.
A superficial man like him who is only interested in physical appearance will be off with someone else like a shot as soon as he sees someone he considers more attractive than you.
I would dump him before he inevitably ditches you. You deserve so much better than this horrible man.

To an extent I agree with him because every human has to be attracted to another to not only have aex but to enjoy it .. BUT .. there is more to sexual attraction than the superficial.. and that includes character and liove .. but biology is poweful.. if your SO was attracted to you because you were a size 14 with curves he may well find a skinny size 8 with no curves less desirable..but it’s not a one way street ! If you were attracted to him because of a set of rippling muscles that have now become a beer belly - that is a similar issue… we both owe it to ea h other to be the best version of ourselves and to take care of our bodies .. as much as we are able (medical conditions excluding)

Ive had a mastectomy and my husband still says how gorgeous I am, looks fade but the love shouldn't.

Is he thus saying that he does not see ever having a long-term relationship? Because if that is what he means, he should be clear that he is interested in trading any partner in when they age a bit. Of course, he will age too so I hope he realises that he will need to be increasingly wealthy to go for this, rather depressing and dehumanising, type of relationship.

I’m pushing 60 and slim. After 3 pregnancies and breastfeeding my tits have zero perk. They literally fold up in my bra. If I wore a balconnette bra they sink to the bottom of the cup

It doesn’t matter what you do, how much you work out the effects of time will always show. Is he not going to find your 60 year old body attractive. Even tho his own body is 60 years old? Does he think he’s always going to
be attractive to young women?

It’s not science, men will shag anything that’s available, it’s shallow and misogynistic and utterly twatty. Your worth is being judged on youth and looks. Your brain, your personality is of no value to him. Gross.

OP, do you want to live with this man child? He sounds pathetic, shallow and, quite frankly, not very bright. If you have the means to leave I would. Don't wait around to get dumped in 10 years time (or whatever) when he finds a younger model.

Are you planning to have children? If so he'd have difficulty coping with the weight gain - of course you can lose it afterwards but many women want to take their time with that and not feel pressured to snap back into shape with a new baby to look after.

I mean he says he’s not with me just for my looks. And that he wouldn’t leave me as he very much talks about us in it for the long haul. He just says he wouldn’t have sex with me anymore if he doesn’t find me physically attractive. I sort of get it but for me, my attraction isn’t solely based on looks. And I don’t think in 10 years time if he looks older and not as attractive, that would put me off having sex with him! I’ve just never had this convo before I don’t think and am wondering if this is men or he’s just an absolute superficial prick basically 🤦🏻‍♀️

Absolutely leave him. He is trying to establish the power position by making you think you need to meet his standards. He is also thick as a brick if he imagines you will age out of being attractive while just because he goes to the gym he's going to be attractive to young good looking women when he's older.

How old are you? He sounds quite immature and a thing I’d expect someone young to
say. If he is young, I’d probably ignore
what he says as its unlikely a long term relationship would last anyway.
Once you have kids, experience real life stresses illnesses and whatnot, looks, sex.. it all takes a back seat and isn’t the most important thing.

He’s training you to doubt yourself and to dedicate your life to being what he wants you to be.

I agree with a PP - does he not realise he’ll potentially end up with saggy nuts and ED?

He’s a controlling wanker telling you unless you continually live up to his shallow expectations, you’ll be punished.

Id be out

We’re both late 30s so not exactly young! So based on his ideology I only have a few years left of him finding me attractive!
Both have a child from previous relationship so not planning anymore. We have spoken about moving in together but right now I’m rethinking him altogether!

Do not inflict this shallow controlling fucker into your DC life.

In answer to your last question No this is not all men and yes he is a prick.

Throw him back and find another who will love you for you whatever you look like at any stage of your life.

Thank him for his honesty then show him the door.

Oh god run a mile.

Tell him that if he loses his hair, develops a disability which means he puts on weight or has wrinkles, you'll trade him in.

The mere fact that he’s even thinking of such scenarios shows he’s shallow imho. If someone is genuinely in love with you as you seem to be with him, you’re usually just appreciative of having them in your life and just absorbed in your life together. Yes attraction is first based on looks, but we all know that looks will fade and bodies will change - heck some of us may even develop disabilities as we age. That’s why sensible people usually chose to partner up with a balance of looks and personality because it’s the personality and compatibility that lasts. Your OH sounds quite disrespectful to be saying he would have concerns if you basically underwent natural aging! I wouldn’t trust him. I’d worry once 10 years had passed he’d be looking elsewhere if he’s articulating such superficialities already.

Another one confirming that he is indeed a shallow prick, who is warning you that one day, if you are no longer lithe and youthful, he will trade you in for a newer model.
Dont give him the chance.

Point out that it might be you who goes off him, not the other way round!!! He's not going to be Mr Sex-on-legs forever either!

It’s not all men, most people who stay together in loving relationships continue to love each despite physical changes.

Obviously some men chase younger women once they get older, but most just appreciate the beauty of youth in passing and the reality of their stage in life and that they are far more compatible with their wives.

He might wise up, but might not. If you are going to hang around please be sure to point out even the slightest change to his body, thinning or greying hair anywhere on the body. Thickening hair -eyebrows & nasal. Slackening skin, gnarly veins and feet. As well as all the other things that OPs have mentioned.

Two great things here!! You don't live together & you have the sense of query the relationship!!

it's true that people have sex with people they are attracted to, but actual decent human beings are attracted to each in long-term relationships,in other ways than purely physical reasons. Like you say you imagine you will find him attractive in the future even when he loses his youthful looks.

He's back tracking, but he can't say what he has said.

He doesn't have your back, there's no point to him!!

He says he would stay with you he just wouldn't want to have sex. In all honesty, can you imagine him not having sex with someone else instead??? He's not gonna become seller, but the very minute he considers you have lost your looks🙄 do you really want to be trying to keep impossibly youthful, all the time just to keep him?? or would you rather be with someone that value YOU as a person & accepts that none of us stay 21 forever??

Of course he's an absolute superficial prick and a complete knob to boot! He has absolutely no balls, is ineffectual and cares not a jot about his partner. He is completely wrapped up in himself and is a disrespectful arsehole.

Not quite sure what you see in him tbh.