My partner asked me to get my tubes tied.

[klaudiaa]

Unfortunately I had a traumatic birth experience and I decided that I didn’t want more kids.
My partner keeps pressuring me into having more when I said I don’t want more.
So then he said that I should get my tubes tied which then I said no because I am not willing to go through a complicated procedure again and I asked him why doesn’t he get the snip and he said because he wants more kids but he isn’t going to have anymore kids with me? Make that make sense please.

@klaudiaa he really should be an "ex" dp!!

This!!

My husband didn’t want anymore children even though I was open to it so he had a vasectomy.

I would have been furious if he’d asked me to get sterilised because he didn’t want more children.

You need to take responsibility for your own choices.

If you 100% don’t want to get pregnant again then sterilisation probably the best option as we all know other methods of contraception can potentially fail, so if that’s your choice then you should be the one to sterilise yourself.

Who knows what the future may hold for you and your husband, we all like to think we’d stay with our spouse forever and live happily ever after but that’s not the reality. Who knows if down the line you separate and he meets someone else he wants to start a family with, he would have sacrificed that opportunity if he’d had a vasectomy upon your request when he didn’t actually want to be sterilised.

He isn’t ruling out the potential option of having more children in his future and therefore you can’t ask him to have a vasectomy.

If you are the one who doesn’t want any more than you are the one who sorts out contraception (or the more permanent option)

Marriage is supposed to be a joint endeavour and commitment, where spouses love and deeply care for each other. There should be some consideration for the health and wellbeing of both spouses, not just a simplistic "rule" which completely disregards the suffering that OP has ensured to bring their existing child into the world, and the risk that she alone would be taking in agreeing to a second baby.

To me it sounds like he's told you the relationship is over....he has literally said he wants more kids but with someone else.

I don't understand this. If you don't want ant more, surely you are being ultra cautious with contraception.

He does want more so even if you accidently fall pregnant, he won't be disappointed.

Is it the risk of an abortion or that he doesn't like the current form of contraception that's driving this?

He wants more kids but not with the OP????? Well there's a great start to a reltionship!

I’d get the sterilisation and dump him. He doesn’t care about you at all.

This can be summarised in a nutshell:

He doesn't want to wear a condom.

Or maybe the OP doesn’t want to rely on condoms as they don’t work 100% of the time.

asked him why doesn’t he get the snip and he said because he wants more kids but he isn’t going to have anymore kids with me? Make that make sense please

He’s hedging his bets because he assumes he’ll leave you at some point and have kids with someone else.

But he can tell her to have her tubes tied instead of just wearing a condom?

I don’t see how asking him to get the snip is out of line, if you’re in a committed relationship with someone and planning to spend the rest of your lives together. He obviously has other plans though.

Even if he never plans to leave her, she could leave him in the future or she might walk under a bus. In such an eventually it seems fair that he should be able to have children with a subsequent partner, as he would ideally like more children.

It is not appropriate to ask someone to get sterilised who wants to have more children.