Friendship

[Anon751117000]

Been friends for a long time (probably nearly 20 years). brief background: She's always had dramas in her life mainly men or work and I've always listened and supported her. Can't say she was as supportive with me when I needed it. She has form for being best mates with people very quickly but then when that no longer suits her, she then pulls away and makes no effort. She has lost touch with multiple people over the years who she had previously been very close to. I'm probably one of her few friends she has stuck with fairly closely over the last few years.
In the last couple of years though, she has been making less and less effort with me. It's gone from seeing her weekly with daily texts to, currently I've not seen her for 3 months. She finally arranged to meet 2 weeks ago but had to cancel and has not bothered to reschedule. She is out with other friends this weekend and I've decided I've had enough now.
My question is.... I wouldn't just ghost her because I think that is an awful thing to do. I also have no intention of speaking to her about this. Am I best just to slowly withdraw contact? I've been doing that already I suppose and I had already decided I was not initiating meetups anymore.
Part of me wants to tell her how she has been making me feel, but another part knows its best just to slowly end the friendship and move on.

These posts always puzzle me. Not to be nasty, OP, genuinely, as it's clear why you're hurt at the end of a long friendship, but she's already faded out on you. She's withdrawn contact. It's a done deal.

This.

You don’t need to do anything. Just don’t initiate contact and she will be gone. She’s done the slow fade already.

Yes this is very true. But I probably didn't give more detail as didn't want to out myself!! She's been like this with everyone (not just me) and I suspect its because of some changes in her life that mean she has no dramas going on at the moment (can't go into more detail).

Regardless of all that, you're right. I don't need to do anything other than not initiate any contact anymore......

Totally agree but she still messages me occasionally, I've stopped initiating already.

I think that is probably her way of slow fading, she probably hasn’t withdrawn all contact immediately because she doesn’t want to seem nasty.

If you know she is like this anyway, it shouldn’t be that much of a surprise that it is now your turn.

I think friendships were easier to navigate before messaging and social media etc. When friendships faded in the past, they just faded without all of the over-thinking. And if people didn’t hear from people for a while they didn’t really over-think that either. Everything has been made more intense with instant messaging.

Agree, the crazy thing is, when she does have a drama happen she will then send long winded texts or voice notes! This is the part that annoys me. The contact is only when she needs something.

Ah, yes that’s a bit different then.

It sounds like she’s quite selfish with her communication, if she wants to fade you out she shouldn’t then be coming to you for tea and sympathy. The next time she has a drama I would just say something like “that’s a shame, hope you get it sorted”. If the friendship is one way then it’s really not balanced or fair. She can’t use you like a free counselling service and give nothing back in return.

Next time she sends you a voicenote or long text just dont read it. Simple as that. If she follows up just say you have personal things going on and if she doesnt then friendship over and nobody has to ghost anyone.