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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I wasting my time or will things change?

29 replies

forestflies · 11/04/2025 11:14

So I'm in the early stages with him. He asked for my number and is nervous around me, which was surprising because he was always very confident and self assured. He text and said he liked me and he liked talking to me, but lately things have been weird.

Every text has been initiated by me. He takes days to reply, and often only texts one or two words. It's dry and non engaging. I know people aren't always great texters so I'm trying not to read into this.

Our last time out together (unsure whether it was a date) was initiated by me, and he was not great. There were times I was facing him and he was facing the other way, so I could only see his side profile. It was a very casual conversation and he didn't really seem bothered. At the end he did say it was lovely to see me so I thought oh, it might nerves.

I decided not to text him first. I don't want to play games but I wanted to see if he'd reach out. Two days passed and he didn't. So I caved and text him asking if he'd like to meet up for lunch or dinner. He replied saying he thought I fell out with him. I asked why he thought this and he simply replied "Don't matter". I said it does. as I don't want him thinking I'm annoyed. He replied "Just me overthinking", and I prodded again and said what are you overthinking. It's been a day, and he's not answered despite being online. and obviously seeing my message.

It's bizarre as he was never this weird before, when we used to chat as friends he was confident, and forward. Now he's just being so weird. Is it nerves? Will he look back at this and laugh in 6 months time. Or am I wasting my time with someone who's not ready.

OP posts:
StaredAtTheSun · 11/04/2025 11:21

I couldn't be bothered with this personally. He's either interested or he's not. You shouldn't have to be chasing and initiating everything yourself at this stage. He sounds like too much hard work. Id throw him back

Maitri108 · 11/04/2025 11:21

He's not interested. In future mirror someone's behaviour.

BobbyBiscuits · 11/04/2025 11:25

He sounds an utter nightmare. He thought you fell out with him in the interim between having a 'lovely time' on the date and getting home? You had no contact so how could he think you'd got the hump?

What an awful weird uncommunicative person. I'd definitely cut my losses if I were you. Heakes zero effort even at this early stage? Useless.

Omgblueskys · 11/04/2025 11:39

Op stop text him, if he is interested he would of made an effort he hasn't so stop being there for him, let it go, to much hard work op

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 11/04/2025 12:03

The only reason to date a man is for him to massively enhance your life and make it easier and fun. That's the entire point.
This one has been very clear that he's not interested in you, believe him.
(Also, 'don't matter'? Ew.)

ShapedLikeAPastry · 11/04/2025 12:07

Bloody hell, who can be arsed with that? Zero effort from him. You're wasting your time OP. Chuck him back.

DecafDodger · 11/04/2025 12:13

throw this one back. Either he can't be bothered and isn't that interested, or he is playing games due to listening too many podcasts from 'alpha males'.

TwistedWonder · 11/04/2025 15:34

If someone’s interested, you’ll know. Low effort men are either not interested or not worth pursuing

Definitelynotme2022 · 11/04/2025 15:40

He's not interested..... throw him back, you're worth more.

Dating is hell, but there are some good ones out there. I met my bf online dating, and he's a complete breath of fresh air.

wrongthinker · 11/04/2025 16:00

Throw this one back, OP!

Catoo · 11/04/2025 16:06

Stop texting him. He’s not interested and / or he’s already playing some weird narc games.

Wishimaywishimight · 11/04/2025 16:12

Stop pursuing this, he is giving you nothing back. Do you really think this is going to go anywhere?

ruddygreattiger · 11/04/2025 16:26

He simply ain't interested, why you are bothering to contact him is a mystery.

Sassybooklover · 11/04/2025 16:32

Seriously, I couldn't be arsed with all that! He's clearly not that bothered and can't be that interested, otherwise he'd be contacting you. You are texting him, you are arranging to see him - he's not initiating anything. When you do see him, he's not very engaged. None of it, says 'he's interested'. I'd stop contacting him, put it down to experience and walk away.

Fluffyholeysocks · 11/04/2025 16:41

Do you think he's keen? Because it doesn't appear so. If you stopped communicating would he start? All the effort is coming from you, it shouldn't be this hard!

MightAsWellBeGretel · 11/04/2025 16:44

Echoing all the wise posters above here, who can be arsed with this?

Cardinalita90 · 11/04/2025 16:51

He couldn't be less interested. I'd have left if someone wasn't even sitting facing me on a date - how disrespectful.

Don't listen to what he says, listen to his actions. He's made it clear he's not interested by not texting, not asking you out, not giving you the courtesy of eye contact. If you keep initiating texts and dates you're wasting your own time frankly.

GeorgianaM · 11/04/2025 17:08

He's not interested in you but won't bin you off because he might need you.

You are the equivalent of a tin of beans at the back of a kitchen cupboard, wont throw you out in case you're handy one day.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 11/04/2025 17:13

Not only is he not interested he has absolutely zero manners.
Raise your standards.
You deserve better.

Dery · 11/04/2025 17:16

As PP have said: you’re wasting your time. IME, when a man’s really interested, he makes contact and he wants to see you and spend time with you. If he’s confusing you, it’s because he’s not that into you. I’ve been on the receiving end of both types of behaviour!

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 11/04/2025 17:18

I think he just wants you to do all the hard work.

He's not that bothered. And the nonsense about thinking you'd fallen out with him. 🙄

I'd just not bother with him. Even if he messaged you ever again. Just leave it.

Dating someone should be mutual excitement and matched effort. Not wondering.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 11/04/2025 17:29

I felt so depressed reading that! Everything about it - the date, his messages, the length of time he took to reply - it's so depressing!

Leave him to it, OP. I think you've used your imagination too much and think he's nicer than he is.

Challenger2A7 · 11/10/2025 22:37

He has a wife or long-term girlfriend. Forget about him, he's just not interested, even if you are.

Gabitule · 11/10/2025 22:45

If he likes you, you’ll know it. If you’re confused, he doesn’t.

Sorry op, when men are interested in a women they overcomes their nerves, shyness, etc and don’t stop pursuing. It’s clear that this guy is just not that into you.

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 11/10/2025 22:49

I’m afraid the best case scenario here is he’s decided he made a mistake and doesn’t actually like you, but is too emotionally weak to just tell you that.

Worse case scenario is he’s already manipulating you, getting you to chase and beg so he has the upper hand.

Either way, just stop messaging him.