I am well and truly stuck.
My parents live abroad. Warmer climate. They moved abroad during covid times. I lived in another country too, but decided to move back home when my eldest finished university, and so we moved back home 3 years ago. My parents apartment had stood empty for some years in our home country. And when they knew I was moving back home they offered me to rent it for a reasonable price, which I thought was a good idea, everyone would win.
Where I live most apartments are sky high in rent and so I saw this as a temporary solution till I found the forever home in my ideal location.
But then I became seriously ill. Had to stop work, and although I continued to pay rent and all bills, my mother decided this was not possible anymore. Something to do with tax etc affecting their pension, claiming they will loose everything if they take rent off me. They are well off btw but ok, I said fine, till I go back to work and find my own place.
For context.
My mother is abusive, verbally and emotionally. Its her way or no way. She will mock people, slander and is openly racist. She is 75 soon. She knows better than anyone on any matter and is very headstrong, she has always been this way, and I grew up never knowing what sort of mood she would be in that day, that hour, and so on. She is a martyr, and if she does not get that treatment she will let you pay for it with silent treatment for example. I married a man that was an echo of her.
Now I have had therapy, and boy did that change everything. My outlook and how I now see her and she it irks her.
If you saw her, you would never believe she was abusive. just a sweet old lady.
Now, they have come to their apartment 2 times in as many years, but for weeks on end. I have tried to find a place but with the rent so high and me on a low pension for now until I recover, its impossible to be around her. They are both fine for a couple of days, the all hell breaks out, like tonight. I dread waking up tomorrow morning because I just left her saying I refuse to be under scrutiny.
she was fuming and as I was walking out the living room she was livid.
I am scared of her, always have been and I am bloody 54. When I was 20 I had a boyfriend she approved off, but we split up, and I worked at a supermarket, when she found out she came to my workplace, and as I was stacking shelves, on a Friday evening, she walked up to me asking if we had broken up, and then when I said yes she slapped me across the face, my ears were ringing long after. And this is what she has done to us siblings.
I am divorced, zero equity from it, and did not plan out my life this way. I just feel she is set on targetting me in any way possible. And she does this in such a suttle way too, they are digs, and as I have a slight disability she will use this to target me, and has done all my life, but does it in a way no one would understand but me, does anyone get that?
But I am stuck. If I dare stick up for myself, and believe me I do, she will continue until its a full blown argument, because she will not back down, and she has zero respect for me and for my sister.
Its sad really. But I am stuck under the same roof as them for another month. I am going to try and find somewhere to rent, but I am so done. They are planning on moving back home as step dad has cancer. He is alright bless him, but like me cannot put a foot wrong or she will be in his face. She can be so horrible to him at times and he has given her such a beautiful life.
Sorry its long.
Tonight she asked if I can drive her places tomorrow to get cakes for her big birthday coming up, I have POTS that came with the illness 2 years ago. I am trying to manage it with weekly IV infusions, fingers crossed it will help me as I need to get out from their roof. I have enormous guilt because I am here for free but at a massive mental cost. But all hell broke out because she hates the fact that I cannot be controlled anymore.
I just needed to went. Not sure there is any advise to be had. But I truly wish that I had my own home where I did not have to worry about her moods which I have lived with my entire life. But seeing I am under their roof, I fear it will only get worse. I dont have anywhere else to go, apart my car.