The freedom programme

Moonlightfrog · 2025-04-10T17:42:49+00:00

Has anyone done the freedom programme? What do to expect? long history of ending up in abusive relationships from the age of 16 up until no (40’s) and I have been referred to start the freedom programme in a few weeks. I’m currently in a relationship which isn’t great, I won’t be telling him I am attending the programme. Im not sure what I’m expecting to get out of it, maybe to stop myself from ending up in toxic situations and to be able to put better boundaries in place (to be stronger). Can anyone tell me if it has helped them in future relationships?

cheapskatemum · 10/04/2025 19:43

I did the freedom programme a few years ago and would heartily recommend it. I think the biggest thing I learnt is that it’s not “just how he is”, it’s a type of man that abuses women in lots of different ways, some obvious, others more devious. I actually stayed with DH after completing the programme. I just stopped putting up with his abusive behaviour. The ultimatum was that I would leave if he didn’t change and I meant it. So it was a learning curve for both of us. I didn’t tell him that I was doing the programme either.

SchrodingersTwat2 · 10/04/2025 20:12

Yes.

Not impressed.

countrysidedeficit · 10/04/2025 20:15

It can be a useful first step, but for changing the kind of long term patterns you describe I think it would need to be followed by something else.

It will give you lots of information about abusive behaviour compared to healthy behaviours but only a very tiny part at the end of the course touches on recovering from the cycle.

What are you hoping to get from the course? For instance with your current relationship? Are you looking for support to leave? To stay? To change things?

GetYourHandsOffMyBallsBeast · 10/04/2025 20:16

Yes, I did it, it was beyond pointless, sorry. I actually wonder if people have actually done it when it gets recommended on mumsnet because it was so meh. Got much more out of reading why does he do that.

countrysidedeficit · 10/04/2025 20:19

to be able to put better boundaries in place (to be stronger)

I would say this is more a goal for therapy.

I think some women find the solidarity of meeting others on the course more helpful than the course itself.

Youagain2025 · 10/04/2025 20:23

Both me and dd done the freedom programme. It was an on line thing though. I think it would have been much better as a weekly meeting group .

I think its probably a great help to some people and there's really nothing to loose by doing it. Definitely give it a go there's no harm.

💐

unsync · 10/04/2025 20:34

I did an adapted version of it run by my local WA. It helped me make sense of everything and realise a few things. I found it really helpful.

Americanlaw · 10/04/2025 20:43

I began it, and am sure it’s really useful - the other women were very welcoming. I couldn’t do it though, some of the stories they told were too much for me. I also felt like a fraud as mine had just been subtly bullying/controlling where they had been thrown out of moving cars, punched etc, so I felt like a fraud/ confused.
i would certainly do it now- I think it takes many different types of information and ebeventually you find out what helps.

Original poster

Moonlightfrog · 11/04/2025 16:43

countrysidedeficit · 10/04/2025 20:15

It can be a useful first step, but for changing the kind of long term patterns you describe I think it would need to be followed by something else.

It will give you lots of information about abusive behaviour compared to healthy behaviours but only a very tiny part at the end of the course touches on recovering from the cycle.

What are you hoping to get from the course? For instance with your current relationship? Are you looking for support to leave? To stay? To change things?

I think with my current relationship I’m looking for reassurance, at the moment I can’t trust my gut because I believe I am the problem and not him even though my friends are telling me he is the problem. He’s different than other people I have been with but there are some red flags…..but is that just me over thinking?

My last relationships have been abusive, I experienced sexual assault with my very first partner as a teenager (he was older than me) which eventually ended with physical assault. I was then married to someone who was emotionally and financially abusive, eventually I left but not long after I got with someone who was the most abusive person I have met, he lied about he he was, he raped and assaulted me and made out I was crazy, he then said he was going to kill himself when I ended it, eventually he was arrested and wasn’t allowed near me. Since then I have had a few short relationships and dated a lot, most have had narcissistic tendencies. It’s got to the point where I think I must be the problem, that I attract these people due to my own behaviours.

I was referred for the programme as it’s due to start in a few weeks, the wait for therapy would be much longer. I’m currently going through ADHD assessment but also wonder if I have BPD. At the moment I don’t trust my own feelings or judgement.

OP posts:

SchrodingersTwat2 · 11/04/2025 17:16

I think it's recommended so often because it's cheap.

countrysidedeficit · 11/04/2025 19:03

Moonlightfrog · 11/04/2025 16:43

I think with my current relationship I’m looking for reassurance, at the moment I can’t trust my gut because I believe I am the problem and not him even though my friends are telling me he is the problem. He’s different than other people I have been with but there are some red flags…..but is that just me over thinking?

My last relationships have been abusive, I experienced sexual assault with my very first partner as a teenager (he was older than me) which eventually ended with physical assault. I was then married to someone who was emotionally and financially abusive, eventually I left but not long after I got with someone who was the most abusive person I have met, he lied about he he was, he raped and assaulted me and made out I was crazy, he then said he was going to kill himself when I ended it, eventually he was arrested and wasn’t allowed near me. Since then I have had a few short relationships and dated a lot, most have had narcissistic tendencies. It’s got to the point where I think I must be the problem, that I attract these people due to my own behaviours.

I was referred for the programme as it’s due to start in a few weeks, the wait for therapy would be much longer. I’m currently going through ADHD assessment but also wonder if I have BPD. At the moment I don’t trust my own feelings or judgement.

Show quote history

Given what you have just described I think you are far, far more likely to have Complex post-traumatic stress disorder than BPD. A flawed BPD diagnosis will stop you receiving the kind of support that could help you overcome such a terribly traumatic past - ironically this diagnosis is frequently abused and misused by the medical profession to blame and dismiss victims/survivors of abuse.

Complex PTSD would be the obvious and natural outcome of the experiences you have had. www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/complex/

I really think you need trauma therapy from a qualified professional with expertise in abuse. In the meantime the freedom programme may help you to start making sense of what are and are not abusive behaviours, what healthy relationships may look like, and how the cycle of abuse works.

But I would really encourage you to ask for a PTSD/complex PTSD assessment so you can be referred for the right type of long term support to heal from what's happened to you.

Original poster

Moonlightfrog · 11/04/2025 19:38

countrysidedeficit · 11/04/2025 19:03

Given what you have just described I think you are far, far more likely to have Complex post-traumatic stress disorder than BPD. A flawed BPD diagnosis will stop you receiving the kind of support that could help you overcome such a terribly traumatic past - ironically this diagnosis is frequently abused and misused by the medical profession to blame and dismiss victims/survivors of abuse.

Complex PTSD would be the obvious and natural outcome of the experiences you have had. www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/complex/

I really think you need trauma therapy from a qualified professional with expertise in abuse. In the meantime the freedom programme may help you to start making sense of what are and are not abusive behaviours, what healthy relationships may look like, and how the cycle of abuse works.

But I would really encourage you to ask for a PTSD/complex PTSD assessment so you can be referred for the right type of long term support to heal from what's happened to you.

Show quote history

The mental health practitioner said I should have been offered more therapy when these things had happened (I had one counselling session), I probably could have got more help through rape crisis and my GP but at the time I was struggling to admit what had happened (I blamed myself a lot). PTSD is a possibility, I have had years of flashbacks and triggers.

OP posts:

Eelqueen · 12/04/2025 09:13

Americanlaw · 10/04/2025 20:43

I began it, and am sure it’s really useful - the other women were very welcoming. I couldn’t do it though, some of the stories they told were too much for me. I also felt like a fraud as mine had just been subtly bullying/controlling where they had been thrown out of moving cars, punched etc, so I felt like a fraud/ confused.
i would certainly do it now- I think it takes many different types of information and ebeventually you find out what helps.

Have you left this abuser now? @Americanlaw

countrysidedeficit · 12/04/2025 19:43

Moonlightfrog · 11/04/2025 19:38

The mental health practitioner said I should have been offered more therapy when these things had happened (I had one counselling session), I probably could have got more help through rape crisis and my GP but at the time I was struggling to admit what had happened (I blamed myself a lot). PTSD is a possibility, I have had years of flashbacks and triggers.

Show quote history

It's never too late.