Is this my fault or is DP being horrible?

[crazycatgal]

DP and I have a 3 month old DS. Since being pregnant DP has been increasingly unkind to me. I have been a bit wobbly with anxiety since having DS and DP keeps telling me that problems are down to my mental health, however DS makes me so happy and I love spending time with him, it is only when things happen with DP that I get upset. Some examples are below.

When I was 2 weeks PP I was trying to get ready to take DS out of the house as he had arranged for us to meet up with his friend. I told him that I needed help, he called me a moody bitch, told me to fuck off and then said I needed to stop being upset as we were going out and I would embarrass him in front of his friend.

A couple of weeks ago we were crossing a road, someone stopped to let us cross, DP waved his hand to say thank you and I focused on getting across the road with the pram. DP asked if I said thanks, I said no as my hands were on the pram and he said thanks. He then told me that this was the reason that people never stop to let anyone cross. I said sorry and tried to explain but he stormed off. I then went and sat down as he stormed off without looking back and I had tears in my eyes. He then found me told me to stop being upset as people would think he had done something wrong and there was no reason for me to be upset. He then told me that I probably need to speak to a doctor.

When he is snappy/unkind and I get upset he calls me a baby, tells me that I need to grow up and that he is not going to pander to me. He then tells me that he has no idea why I’m upset because he has done nothing wrong. He tells me that it is my fault if he gets nasty because he is just getting defensive. He tells me if I break up with him he will not bother with DS or his older child who is not mine.

He often watches me on the Alexa camera downstairs and has done so when I have had a friend round. He also tells me not to speak about any relationship problems with anyone. If I ever try to speak to him about anything I am told that I am sensitive, he has done nothing wrong and that my problem is with myself and my mental health. My self esteem is in pieces, I feel nervous about what to do or say incase I upset DP. Is this my fault, is it really nothing to get upset over?

Thank goodness for that. Having your home means you have options. Now do your sums and give him his marching orders.

Darling this sounds awful. He is not a good man and I’m sorry to say he’s not going to magically wake up one morning a different man.

Hes told you himself that if you left him he wouldn’t bother with your child. This shows you what he really thinks and feels and is appalling.

Speak to women’s aid, get an appointment at your local citizens advice and figure out what your options are with benefits and help.

The positive is that you own the house and he has no hold on that.

He sounds exactly like my ex - I hope you kicked him out OP before he got worse xx

Which you could report..? 🤔

On the other hand, you could look at the date this thread was started.

I did, and OP might still read this. Happy New Year to you too! 🤣

This is abusive.

Watches you on camera? Tells you its all your fault but you aren't to discuss the relationship with anyone? Makes sure you don't appear upset so no one can ask you what's wrong? Threatens you and the children with abandonment if you try and talk about it? Get out fast before it gets worse. How to do that depends on your circumstances, your housing, finances, job, the situation with the children and how physically safe you all are. You are likely to need help, support and advice. Lots of people here can signpost you and share their own experiences.

🧟‍♀️

This is abuse, i suspect it will escalate and create a horrific atnosphere for the child even if you think you can stand it - please get out :(

You need to leave him. I don't tend to say that when someone has just had a baby. The first year is brutal. However, your P is abusive , controlling and manipulative. You need to get out for your own wellbeing. Unfortunately, abuse often starts during pregnancy because the think your trapped and cant leave them.

He tells me that it is my fault if he gets nasty because he is just getting defensive.

He wont change. He doesnt think hes doing anything wrong and isnt taking accountability.

He tells me if I break up with him he will not bother with DS or his older child who is not mine.

He's manipulating you. He wants you to be scared about your baby and step child losing their dad. You can't control what he does or doesn't do when you leave. If he's a shit dad then that's on him.

If you are struggling with your MH and anxiety that's totally normal. Having a baby is a massive thing physically and psychologically. Instead of being abusive and nasty he could be supportive but chooses not too. Instead he's choosing to make things harder. If you feel you need it there's no shame in asking for help. Your MH isn't an excuse for him to be horrible to you.