Lone parents no sex- do you every get over it?

[Sophiablue95]

Lone parent to two young ds. Ds1 sees his dad every weekend but ds2 dad isn't involved (his choice) so ds2 is with me 24/7. Family will not help with babysitting and I couldn’t afford to hire one so any childfree time is out of the question. I’m fully aware I’ll probably never meet someone now and remain single until dc are grown up.

The niggling problem is the lack of sex and intimacy. I haven’t been intimate for almost 2 years. Before that, I had a very high sex drive. Porn and self pleasure have never done anything for me, I think it’s the physical touch I miss.

Do you ever get over it? I thought by now I would have forgotten about it but I often sit at night feeling bored stiff, lonely and craving some adult affection. 😫

I was a single mum for a long time. I had a hook up now and again but in the end I couldn't be bothered as I prefer sex with emotion. I didn't really miss the sexual side as I could satisfy myself in that way. Porn does nothing for me but I've always been a fan of self pleasure and not relying on someone else to provide that. The things that I missed more was physical affection and being in bed next to someone as I fell asleep. If you're wanting a relationship, don't write yourself off. I met my husband while my 3 older kids were young and went on to have a child together.

Your situation won't stay the same forever.

You could focus on improving your financial situation over time, partly so you can afford a babysitter? It's OK to spend something on yourself to allow you a bit of a life of your own.

You might build friendships with other parents that you feel comfortable to have a reciprocal babysitting arrangement with?

Your children will get older and be able to be left home alone a bit in years to come.

You could go for a coffee date while they're at school/nursery and when you feel comfortable, have them round at yours when they're in bed. Some men are happy to become part of a family and actively want that despite what others may think.

Bit risky to have some strange bloke in your house, and what if the kids get up unexpectedly?

Also it pushes any relationship into an early domesticity, which isn't necessarily in anyone's best interests.

Some blokes are attracted to single mums cos they like to be housed and fed and think the woman will be grateful & easy to dominate. Or because they're more interested in the kids.

@Sophiablue95 I guess when the kids are a bit older and are at nursery/ school in the day this might give you time, even if you are working then that creates opportunities to meet someone, and maybe some lunch break sex will add some spice to your life, even if building a full relationship is more challenging. I guess it all depends on what is important to you. i agree with @category12 you can't risk anything with the kids at home. Does DS have friends he could have a play date with? Or too young for that?

I’ve been a single mum for a few years now. As the kids have got older (now 12 and 10) my opportunities for meeting people have slightly increased, but I think they will stay pretty limited for a couple of years yet at least.
There are chances when they’re with their dad (every fortnight for the weekend, and one evening a week) but largely it’d be a drink or a walk for an hour while they’re at school or clubs. It’s tricky.

On the sex side of things, my libido isn’t particularly strong but I did miss it, both in terms of physical contact and shared pleasure. I realised that I hadn’t been kissed by an adult for a long time.

Luckily I now have an arrangement with a male friend and we have sex every few weeks. This has been going on for a couple of years now, which helps a lot. I don’t know if this is possible for you? It takes some luck and some bravery on both sides.

I masturbate to relieve any urges between times, but this doesn’t happen often as a shag once in a while is enough for me. But I do empathise and sympathise.

How old is DS 2? Do his (father’s side) grandparents not want to have him to stay either? If you make the running - dropping DS2 off and picking him up - and give them a day with DS2, not just an evening, would they be more likely to say “yes”?
Is there anyone in your family who would appreciate babysitting by you? I find that if you offer first, then you eventually get a reciprocal offer. I know a lot of parents who now refuse to let their kids do sleepovers completely, with safeguarding in mind - it’s a very personal decision.

With all respect you've taken what I've said out of context. At some point if you want a serious relationship you're going to have to have them around the kids, otherwise you stay single until they are adults. No one knows anyone without getting to know them first. There are plenty of good men that aren't sinister and want to be around a woman and her children for genuine reasons. That's like you're saying that women with kids are only good enough for paedophiles. You have to be very careful of that of course, which is why you don't invite them in straight away. Which if you read my post without jumping the gun, you would understand.

Thanks all for your replies. 😊I do think a lot of it is more the intimacy and cuddling I miss (of course the sex too).

It just seems impossible now, once ds2 is in nursery I will be back to work full time so no daytime free time. 😫

Family will only babysit in emergencies like hospital appointments. Ds2’s dad categorically said he would not have ds2 overnight ‘so I couldn’t go on to meet someone’. That was before he disappeared, his parents live abroad so no chance of them ever babysitting.

I guess I will have to just get used to it and take a trip to Ann Summers. 😂I never think of it during the day, but on the evenings I do feel incredibly lonely. After cleaning, I go to bed pretty soon after dc as I’m so bored.

Sex is readily available.
Love not so much.
😉.

I haven't had sex in 4 years. I could pull someone. But getting my ex who is back in the country(hence why didn't) stay together. To get here after Easter for some sex why son is a nursery!

I've been mulling this over recently. I have no intention of doing the 'blended family' thing, so it was making me wonder whether that therefore is no romance or orgasms until the children are older! Perhaps I've just been watching too many romances on tv.

I agree. Obviously important to be careful, but there were plenty of times when I was married that we stayed with other adults or had them over and around the kids. Camping, visiting friends, dinner parties. There’s no reason single mums need to be another level of careful than anyone else.

Well those words probably could form a sentence or two, but not in the order they're currently in.

Try phone sex

Lolz.

🙄

Either way, we made it happen got here for 9am, and by the time nursery finished was gone and flying away.