I'm in a bit of a rubbish situation. I'm really struggling and I'm finding it hard to find the strength to keep going. Bit of a long one.
Back story - my ex OH of 8 years (2 children now aged 6 + 4) had an affair, got her pregnant and left me for her. There was DV which got worse after the split and I went to the police, however he was a police officer and said he'd get me back for it. I was arrested for false allegations of child abuse, and the children were removed from me for 3 weeks until they realised the whole thing was a load of crap and they were returned straight to me, along with case closed and a big apology. The whole situation knocked my confidence hugely and broke my heart, but I got back up and rebuilt myself. It's taken 3 years but I've managed to somewhat put it behind me so me and their dad can coparent which works amazing.
I met my new partner 2 years ago and he was too good to be true. Looked after me and worshipped the ground I walked on, I genuinely could not have asked for better. I found out I was pregnant unexpectedly around a year in but due to how amazing things were we continued with the pregnancy. I work in a pregnancy loss setting so struggled with my mental health throughout. He was so supportive. Then our little boy was born in January and he moved in, things were again amazing.
My little boy is now 10 weeks old. When he was 6 weeks old I was diagnosed with severe post natal depression with separation anxiety linked to my previous relationship. I struggled but noticed my partner getting distant, which put even more stress on me. He was constantly off out, and had an all nighter planned and lads weekends despite me struggling with our baby. Sadly my dad was taken unwell when he was 1 week old, and was unexpectedly diagnosed with end of life cancer. He died 6 weeks later mid March.
I came home around 8am of the morning after being up all night with my dad trying to process watching him die, was given my baby and my partner went out at 2pm and didn't return until 3pm the next afternoon. He then started going out more often of a week day, saying he wanted a break and space. Most nights I was heartbroken, struggling with my mental health and trying to look after all my children.
I had a feeling there was something going on in the background, and started checking the facebook of a girl I knew he was talking to as friends. Saturday it came up on her facebook they were in a relationship and my heart just broke. I confronted him and it all came out, he said he was in love with her and didn't want to be with me anymore. All his outings, including the night my dad died were spent with her in her house.
It's now been 4 days and it was my dad's funeral yesterday. There has been no remorse shown, and he's made comments that this new girl was not a mistake. I understand she has now left him as I messaged her telling her he had never left me. He had told her considerable lies too.
I'm absolutely beside myself. I've just lost my dad, I've got a 10 week old with him, he's done all of this to me, and I'm struggling majorly with my mental health. He wants to coparent which I'm all for but my baby is 2 months old. I can't bare to be away from him and the whole thing just seems so unfair :'( I'm sat sobbing as my world has been destroyed. He's paid for mediation and has threatened with court as I'm a wreck when he takes him from me, but I can't have him in my house as it distresses me that much.
I've tried not to talk to him unless necessary as it breaks me when he blames me for the affair and justifies it. I can't believe I'm in this position where this has happened to me twice and in some ways, this is so much worse.
Please tell me this will pass. I'm absolutely heartbroken and don't know where to begin processing all of this.