Rant about my DH and housework

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

Ok this doesn't really have a point but I'm seething.
1- he says he will do 'his bit' when he works at the weekend, if I leave it. Daily reminders from me and watching the bathroom get nastier and nastier...and he still doesn't do it.
2- never does washing up without me asking him several times. Yet seems to believe he does. When?
3- clears the dinner table and leaves food and crumbs on the table.
4- leaves dirty clothes on the floor wherever he takes them off.
5- has a really random way of washing up so he takes half an hour to wash half what's there. Feels like he's done a massive chore when it would have taken me 5 mins.
6- has no idea how long things take, so sits in front of the telly putting off doing it until I point out that if he doesn't do it now we will be late, so I'm a nag
7- announces when he has finished as if I should thank him.

This is a small list of annoying habits I haven't yet ironed out in him, he's a lot better than he used to be! But OMG I'm sooooo cross right now.

Sorry for venting!

Dp very similar.
my big issue is that he got us a dog. I'm severely allergic to her which now means that i have to hoover every day not every other.
all i ask himn to do (apart from a bit of washing up) is to clean & dettox the dogs bed & put her bedding in the wash once a week.
if not done i have major asthma attack

Have to remind him every week to do it so the other day i lost the plot and phoned him at work. i didnt rant but calmly told him that i didnt really want to be 1 of the 1 in 4 who die daily from asthma because HE couldnt be bothered to remember to do the dogs bed and it showed that he didnt care about me after all.

He did the dogs bed all by himself that weekend
last weekend i had to remind him as i'm sure i will this weekend.

as for saying he will do something..........
even DC says 'believe that when i see it!'

I just feel like.....I'm just going to end up being the one who does everything, he's working 7 days a week ATM and I'm doing 5 days...so I do more BUT I still work full time, come home and do washing up, tidying etc. I think of everything all the grocery shopping, bills, OMG it's doing my head in. Will it get any better? And am I just going to teach my sons and daughters that that's the way relationships work? Both of us come from trad families housework wise...aaaarrrrgggghhh

Oh yeah and we are having a baby...it's only going to get worse I really worry it's going to cause big problems if I start to resent him

The one thing I swear I am going to do is to make sure my son knows his way around a kitchen and can do a bit more than look for approval 'cos he finished the dishes I started when I left them to sort out the kids...

DH wasn't good with helping around the house when I married him and a gold band around his finger has made him even worse...

i understand fully Kat2907.

have given up letting it get me stressed (but does at PMT time) and accepted that he is useless.

when we argue over the dogs bed he says 'but you didnt remind me'
RED RAG TO BULL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
i usually reply 'i'm sorry, i was busy remebering to take DD to school and then go to work (different places), get the milk or bread out the freezer, do the washing so you & DD have clean clothes, collect prescriptions because i'm allergic to the dog, go to the shops to get whatever i forgot at the main shop, remember to do DD school forms/homework, cook the dinner, think of the shopping we need next week, do the housework, ironing and any meetings I have with work, remember to do accounts, remember that its YOUR grandchilds birthday and my DD dads birthday, dentist apts, doctors apts, etc.......
to which he replys ' youre so childish'

so retreat to a seperate room to call him various names under my breath.

Has he got some good points to outweigh the bad? I kinda think that's the only way to get around it because if they're going to change it takes YEARS. It might be worth focussing on what he's really good at and getting him to do lots of that.

Sympathies, though.

agree with dittany. he's like this because he can't be arsed and doesn't see why he should bother.

kat, sorry, i think it is very unlikely to get any better. sorry.

if i am ever in another relationship very near the top of the list will be "housetrained".

Use dog training methods - ignore bad behaviour and praise good behaviour

Lol Oh dear....yes he has bags and bags of good points so it is worth persevering....he's been self employed for years so can pretty much do what he wants, but he's fastidious when it comes to keeping his stock in good condition, which is annoying!

I don't think it's that he doesn't see why he should bother, more that he has never had to do daily housework chores (lived with doting mum/4 sisters then moved to shared house with men/on his own where they lived like slobs half the time) and doesn't see what's involved. Men look but don't see, so true.

Men look but don't see, so true.

My Dh spends most of his time in a 5 hotel and just doesn't* get what I do to keep the house clean.

I swear one of these days, he's actually going to expect me to produce a menu card at meal times to provide a few different options!!!

Every Friday, he comes home to an immaculate house (and expects to!) and every Sunday, I'm left with the mess...

To be fair to DH, he would do it (He cannot cope with mess) but it's not worth upsetting the whole weekend - and I'll hear at some point: What have you been doing all week? which has me scuttling off to find red rags and a few bulls!!

Also - he doesn't mind leaving washing up for days, mess all over the table, stuff in the 'wrong' places. It bothers me that he doesn't...but he's getting better...maybe!

Think they are all the same, mine goes through phases, but we usually pull together as a team if I suggest he does a job whilst I cook tea, it eventually gets done. He does have a bad habit of leaving his washing in the car if he takes a change of clothes to work and produces ramdom stuff he needs tomorrow.....

Gained new insight today into how some men literally do not see things.

There was a piece on Radio 4 about a woman who'd had an arm amputated as a child.

She went on two dates with a writer. On the third date he said to her 'What's happened to your arm?' She said 'I only have one arm'.

He hadn't noticed

Maybe men are good at seeing only what they want to see.

I think it is fair to say "men are different" in this regard (not all men but some). A ranting post I haven't written yet (except mentally) includes a section on my dh, who does absolutely sod all in terms of housework. I work f-t, he is chronically ill, he does, however, take care of our ds 3 afternoons and 2 full days of the week on his own.

I think his problems stem from:

• inability to multi-task. If he's looking after ds he does a lot more with him than I do, I tend to keep half an eye on him quite a lot of the time whilst doing other jobs at the same time.
• inability to do jobs that need a lot of moving about, like emptying the dishwasher
• chronic laziness, because someone else (me) will do it if he doesn't.

The consequence is that our house is an absolute disgrace, all the time - because I don't have enough energy to do the jobs except at weekends. But god I fed up with it.

I don't think it is anything to do with his gender, it's just what happens when people live together, they don't have the same standards and expectations.

I could say most of the OP's issues about my DP, but he woudl say I leave glasses all over the house, I don't move everything when I hoover, I put too many coats and cardigans on the coat hooks so they get over full and never take them upstairs, I never put the computer chair back and leave my bracelets on the desk where I take them off to type etc.

Just a different set of standards, you need to discuss which ones are desperately important to you and chill out on ones you can live with.