Help 😔

[SnappyShark]

This is a long one so I'm sorry.
I have just got a house to move into with my boys 16 and 14. This is rented unfortunately as I can't buy until the family home is sold or my husband has brought me out but it will do for now. The problem is the guilt I feel, constantly crying, not eating, not sleeping. Ita exhausting.
This was my decision after whats been a very turbulent 18 year marriage.
3 years ago he left me for 3 weeks just one Sunday night said he was leaving the next day. I played nice packed his things that he asked me to and left them in the garage for him etc. 2 weeks into it I asked him if there is someone else he said yes and that was it it hit me like a sledgehammer. I was broken. Fast forward another week he came to the door in tears and I like an idiot let him in he stayed and we carreid on. 6 months later I was ready for divorce, filed and he begged me not to I just kept saying it was the best thing for us all. 4 weeks later his mum died 😔 so I left the divorce and helped support him in his time of need, we continued to play happy families and even moved house into his childhood home ( biggest mistake) i brought the house as there was still a mortgage on it from his mum and it went well until a year ago. The drinking started. It's every night near enough and far more than he should be having in a week. One time his is fine the next he is angry. He has thrown me and the children out 4 times in 6 months and the last time was only a few weeks ago. I there and then started looking for houses for us to move too which I have found and dye to move on Saturday. Now the thing is I'm feeling like the worse person in the world. I know no of this is my doing but the guilt I feel is enormous. I'm crying constantly and it comes in waves with anger. I told him 2 weeks ago we were leaving me said I didn't have to go and has said nothing more about it. I suppose I just need to give my head a wobble but im about to loose everything I worked so hard for because of him and his nasty ways. Am so angry but heartbroken at the same time. I have some super supportive friends which I am so grateful for. I dont really talk to my mum so that's a no go.
Thank you for reading I guess I just need someone to tell me it will be ok 😢

Things will get better.
You had no choice but to move out to give your children stability.
Be kind to yourself 💐

and even moved house into his childhood home ( biggest mistake) i brought the house as there was still a mortgage on it from his mum

If you bought the house, why have you moved out?

What exactly do you feel guilty for? Finding your children stability lest your husband decide to throw you and them onto the street again at his whim?

pull yourself together.

Because in all honesty it's never felt like home at all. I have been here nearly 3 years and I hate it, I still call it the house I don't want to be here is 15 miles away from my work and everything me and the kids know. Sounds strange I know. X

No i feel guilty for not being able to make it work as stupid as that sounds. I'm about to loose my entire life's work and that stings a little. I could take him to the cleaners and drag it through court but what would that achieve? It won't make it better. I just needed a bit of reassurance that's all 😔 that it will all be ok x

Thank you 😊 I appreciate that and I hope so too I really do x

OP Im not entirely sure what's going on but you describe your relationship as turbulent. Try and look at the situation from the perspective of your children.

Years of a turbulent household, cheating, break ups, reconciliations, the death of their grandmother, drinking, moving to various houses and now you can't stop crying.

You can't keep putting your children through this and you need to put the house up for sale and divorce. See your GP regarding your depression and try and create a stable home.

Thank you x

So he cheated on you, he's an alcoholic, he's abusive to both you and the children.

Change and upheaval on this scale is bound to be unsettling but be in no doubt you are absolutely doing the right thing for both yourself and your kids. Stay the course and things will get better.

Do you mean you are letting him , the cheater and lier with the house ? Come on op seriously ?

Thank you so much I know its the right thing i do it's so upsetting though and that's the hardest part. No matter what he has done or doing I still love him will all my heart and probably always will xx

It was never my house. Just in name that's all, I know it doesn't make sence to anyone x

It’s gonna be the hardest few months/year of your life but in a year’s time you will be SO much happier and you will thank yourself for taking this step now.

A little over a year ago, my ex walked out on me and my 4 year old and 5 day old baby for another woman. I raised the kids, I moved 50 miles away back to the town my parents live in, I changed their schools and rearranged nursery all with a totally shattered heart and putting a brave face on it for the kids. I had the most stressful summer of my life. Now? I’m the happiest I have ever been and me and the kids are settled and loving our little home we have created with grandparents on the doorstep.

Change is hard and horrible but it is so so liberating - you’ve got this!

Wow! Your so brave and a massive well done from me!
Thank you I keep thinking this and it's nice to hear from someone who has done it and come through the other side, It gives me so much hope xx

You are doing the right thing, you are supporting your children and removing them from a toxic relationship
They will no longer have to worry about his moods, or being thrown out of their home.
You are a bloody hero!

It won’t be easy but it will be worth it! Well done on being strong enough. It will be worth it for sure x

Thank you 😊 I know its got to be done and I'm so scared but I got this 💪 xx

You are grieving for what should have been. You hoped for a happy marriage and a life where your children were settled. Unfortunately, that hasn't happened and you are upset about it. It's normal to be upset about it and most people who have split up from their husband/partner feel exactly as you currently do, myself included. It does get easier with time.

Sounds like you bent over backwards to accommodate him and then he walked all over you and the children.

Alcoholism unfortunately turns already unpleasant people into downright nasty ones.

Try to hold on to the thought of the new chapter that lies ahead in your children's lives when all the finances are sorted out and you are feeling of this albatross around your neck.

It is all going to be okay. 💕

you need to slow down a bit, though, he's a cheating alcoholic waste of space.

You say you love him and always will, I do understand xx

However, you owe your children and yourself as much financial stability as you can get, you cannot just leave everything for him because you think it's easier because you love him or because he's not capable of earning the money you are, whatever you are telling yourself...

You are doing the right thing leaving him, you are not doing the right thing if you leave everything to him!!

Thank you to everyone who has sent love i really do appreciate it. It's thr right thing and I will get there, there is many bumps in the road but together as 3 we will make it. Never thought I would be a single mum but I guess you don't know what's around the corner. Sending love to you all who are where I am, far into the future or just thinking that you need to leave. I hope to look back on this in a years time and think what was I so scared of! Much love x