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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Have I overreacted?

2 replies

RoseyPosey383 · 09/04/2025 15:02

Looking for any advice on whether I’m justified in how I’m feeling

DH and I have had a rough year - 3 missed miscarriages, one which could have killed me due to blood loss and was really drawn out. We have since decided to stop trying due to our ages (41 & 45) and so our relationship has been a little strained of late.

some other background info. Around 18 months ago DH was found to be texting another woman. I saw some messages and all were friendly from his side but she was definitely giving him the come on. He has now blocked.

also there’s been a few other things such as liking half naked women on instagram etc which he has now blocked and I also overheard him laughing with work colleagues about how he employs women based on what they look like.

this coupled with my MCs has left me very insecure.

Today I was going upstairs to say goodbye to him and I heard a call come in on teams (he works from home) It was a women’s voice saying she needed to talk to him (in a pathetic help me voice) and she proceeded to talk to him about an issue with her son. He was so attentive during the conversation, obviously knows all the background so these chats have happened frequently. He was listening, giving great advice etc and it sounded really cosy. I crept back down and went shopping. He has since asked me something and I said to just leave in some peace.

the main issue is that he doesn’t listen to me when I talk to him. When we had our last MMC we drove home in silence and then he suggested we play on the PlayStation together. I was in so much shock I just went along with it and then we never really spoke about it again until I started bleeding 2 weeks later and went to hospital.

it seems silly but I feel like I intruded on a cosy chat between them and why can he be like that for her and not for me? Also there must be a familiarity between them for her first thought to be to chat to someone else’s husband and not her own/her friends

OP posts:
Minieggsarecrack · 09/04/2025 15:41

It doesn’t sound like he’s been a great partner to you tbh. You have gone through a lot with miscarriages and coming to terms with your fertility. He sounds like he’s checked out.

Do you want to stay with him? If so, what does that look like for you? Is having female friends a boundary or dealbreaker for you? Is it that he’s treating her better than he did you? I don’t think I could stay with my partner if he’s regularly having cosy chats with another woman. I would suspect the beginnings of an emotional affair at the very least. I would be suspicious of her motives for calling him to confide (assuming she knows about you) and also of him for indulging it. I would also feel like you - he can pull compassion/advice out of the bag for her, so why not me?

Alwaystryhard · 09/04/2025 17:39

I can't even began to imagine how alone you must feel going through miscarriages with a partner who comes over as so unsupportive. And the fact he can give to other women the interest and sympathy he should be giving to you is just so hurtful.

Have you had any other support regarding your miscarriages OP?

I do wonder if you would be better off not continuing a relationship with someone who is so callous towards you.

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