I started dating a man (53) last year, at the time we had spoken about previous relationships and I was aware that he had been married for 20years as well as having a few relationships after his divorce. Including the most recent before me of 6months where he was kept a secret as she didn't want anyone to know.
In the first few weeks I found out he had withheld information and it really made me question if I wanted to continue with him. Basically a mutual friend of his best friend and my partner didn't speak, I questioned this and he explained she was married but separated and she was very cold hearted, judgemental and doesn't like displays of affection etc and just that he generally doesn't get on with her...... Turns out she was the one he was with for 6months and I knew this deep down but I gave him the chance to tell me and he didn't. After I had questioned this, a few days later he sat me down and told me the truth that yes it was her, when we started our relationship she requested he keep her name out of our relationship and he gave his word, after she saw us together she apparently called him and told him we look happy and so if he wanted to tell me about her, she was fine with that, he told me as he wanted me to know and had been really apologetic saying he'd made a mistake and should have just told me from the beginning.
At first I was really angry that I had asked and he didn't confess, I appreciated him telling me but I felt it was only because she gave him permission to and if she hadn't would I have ever known, and did she give permission to try cause problems etc, he claimed that it was purely because he was a man of his word and he had given his word to her however he realises he was being mislead and was apologetic for that.
Fast forward to today a year into the relationship and I have tried to move on from this but it does still get me at times, especially as I see her quite often looking smug.however he's a genuinely loving bloke who helps with all household chores, bills etc I don't even need to ask and he's proving to me on a daily basis that he wants to be my man.
We have decided that in the next few months he will move in officially so have started clearing out both homes to get rid of things we don't need.
Now here's the dilemma, going through paperwork at his I've come across a solicitor letter that states he married his wife in 1995, they separated in 97, divorced in 98 and remarried in 1999 after living together for 2 years..... Essentially I'm reading it as they never separated if they continued living together but were classed as separated and divorced even though still conhabiting as it was only 2 years between the separation and remarrying. It states on numerous pages that he divorced her due to unreasonable behaviour even states he got legal aid to help pay for it etc, but when I spoke to him about it he claims he's only ever married her once and divorced her once, being an overthinker I have checked on online portals for ceremonies etc and this confirms that he married in 1995 with his wife's maiden name, then again in 1999 with his wife's married name. He requested a copy of his decree absolute to show me that he hadn't remarried and again it's coming through with 2 separate marriages at different locations just like the online portal said.
He still point blank claims it's wrong and has disputed it, they are sending out paperwork to prove he had signed the marriage certificate and divorce certificate, I have told him they will be able to confirm everything but he claims things can be forged and even his signature as hard as it is to forge can still be done....... Why won't he admit to just marrying her twice when all the legal evidence shows that he did? He always says we can talk about anything and he will be honest with me but with this he claims he's telling the truth yet legal paperwork states otherwise.
It doesn't bother me if he divorced and remarried her a million times in their 20year relationship but why will he not tell the truth on this? It now makes me question everything, am I overthinking or over reacting here? Surely he would know how many times he's been married or divorced and I even said he would have to prove that paperwork if we were to ever get married, the crazy thing is minus the comments about people able to forge stuff which makes me doubt everything he says, he genuinely looks like he's telling the truth and has no clue about a second marriage.