Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice on dealing with flaky man

3 replies

TheSharpLilacRaven · 09/04/2025 05:05

I’ve known this guy for a few years. When we first met I was in a serious committed relationship. I’m a few years older than him and at a different phase of life. I have a child and I was married. We were not close at all just acquaintances at first, I would hear from other mutual friends what a creep he was, always asking them on dates and flirting with them when they were clearly not interested. I never got bad vibes from him and we soon became friends first, and then when my marriage to my child’s father ended we were flirting here and there. It was too soon after my marriage for me to be worried about a serious relationship with him or anyone else and I thought we were both enjoying hanging out here and there, hooking up on occasion but nothing serious. We were both not looking for a relationship so it was all good I thought. We could talk every day for a few days and then go weeks without talking. No big deal. But he’ll do this thing where he’ll ask me to hang out and I’ll say yeah sure let’s do it! Only for him to flake last minute, leave me on read and not finish making the plans or claim he just got too busy. It’s so annoying cause why are you even asking me in the first place!? I never ask to hang out first. It’s always him but he flakes 90% of the time. It’s frustrating cause I really want to see the good in him but it’s insane he thinks he can treat me like this? Like he doesn’t seem to care about my feelings at all! And why even bother asking me to hang? Is it just an ego boost? What’s frustrating is that I see him embarrassing himself in other mutual friends messages, and I feel so bad for him. I hear them complain about how annoying and creepy he is and I’m like “nooo he’s just not experienced with women. He’s a good guy!” But then he treats me like this and I keep looking past it? It makes me honestly feel like I must be hideous in his eyes when I see him make a fool of himself in other girls dms when I’m so “available” and willing to look past so much. Like dang girl get up. Idk I feel like I know he’s just an immature jerk. But I just need to hear it from others.
I don’t have a lot of experience with men. I was married for 15 years to my high school sweetheart. And now this is my first experience in the “dating world”. I’m not looking for anything serious with him, but some respect for my time and feelings would be nice. Am I expecting too much from a casual friend?
Any advice would be helpful! Thank you!

OP posts:
SueblueNZ · 09/04/2025 05:17

But you're not dating. You are two single people using each other (when he can remember or be bothered) for mutual benefit.
It makes no sense to me why you now bother with him.
If you want a FWB, find someone else. If you want to date with a view to finding a partner, forget this flake and look elsewhere.

BlondiePortz · 09/04/2025 05:18

Why not just move on? you dont need to hang on

ChristmasFluff · 09/04/2025 08:36

I don't bother having flaky people in my life on any basis, cos they are fucking annoying, as you are finding. Up to you if you want flakes in your life or not.

His flakiness isn't about you, it's about him. Your toleration of his flakiness is about you.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread