Cheating narcissist, I need help healing

[Idontknow110]

hi everyone

so my husband who has cheated on me previously and I stupidly forgave him for it, he was caught again. 11 years of marriage down the drain and a beautiful 4 year old daughter.
he had a locked chat and there was a female I saw it with my own eyes, when I confronted him he said I was being silly there is no woman, that chat is just his private bits etc.
anyway he unlocked his phone to show me and there was nothing there. He said I was being silly I’m crazy blah blah
but I was adamant I saw it, he swore on my life there was no female under the locked chat, this absolutely broke me, because I saw it
after a hour he finally admitted it and said due to previous things he didn’t want me to jump to conclusions because it’s just a friend he plays pool with but he knew how I would react so decided to hide it.
he said I’m being emotional and there is absolutely nothing to it, which my response was why hide it then? He went onto say because I know you would behave like this.

he told me don’t cry and he loves me etc
i am struggling guys.. he said I’m being silly and I’ve given him a blistering headache for nothing.

i am a very loving and caring person, I want to leave because I can’t heal.
please give me some positivity.
he’s hardly ever noticed me for who I am
hes always said I’m pal3 and commented on my appearance etc
to the point I brought self tan.

please someone tell me I am good enough to leave and not rot here. ;( :(

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It’s so hard and heartbreaking when someone you have planned a life with betrays you.
The bottom line is when someone makes a mistake in a relationship the real apology isn’t from words or empty promises it’s from the actions going forward and how much work they put into repairing the damage they’ve caused. It’s hard for you to take his word for it now as he’s already lied about it and hid it in the 1st place.
you deserve better than someone calling you emotional or making you feel like your the problem.
your daughter deserves better than to see her mum disrespected.
it won’t be easy if you leave him but you and and your daughter deserve to feel secure and stable and mostly you deserve someone that doesn’t make you doubt yourself. I hope you do what’s right for you and find the strength to heal from what he’s done to you whether you choose to leave him or stay. But just know that you deserve better from a man that claims to love you.
good luck. Wishing you all the strength.