Why do I feel guilty when I'm the wronged one?

[Dependingontheoutcome88]

Been with my DP for 7 years.
I recently finished the relationship due to being starved of love, affection, sex, attention and lack of communication. Also upon discovering he had set up profiles on several dating sites, paid for subscriptions on Onlyfans and tried to befriend young girls on FB over the last few years. The list of his indiscretions is endless and caused me great pain, loss of confidence and loss of self esteem.
He always had an excuse- he was 'curious ', 'bored', 'not sure about our relationship ' and justified it by saying 'all men do it', and got angry with ME for trying to talk about it. I've been to hell and back emotionally but once I made the decision to split I've been much stronger emotionally.
There's no evidence of any actual cheating.
We live in rented and I'm fortunate in having a place to go to, which I've kept secret from him. He took the breakup with little resistance.
He will have to go into a house share and literally start from scratch, with his many debts.
He deserves it to be honest but why do I feel guilty and a bit worried for him?
I go from feeling furious for how he treated me and disrespected me to feeling sorry for him.
Help me get through this please and grow some healthy anger, I feel a bit pathetic as I'm still being nice to him x

Be nice to yourself first, you need to be your own priority.
I don’t want to go into details, but I was in a situation that I knew ending my relationship would change the course of my partner’s life, I was so so sad and heartbroken for six months debating with myself every day on whether or not to end a relationship that I knew was wrong.
I did it in the end, and oh my goodness I know more and more every day that I did the best thing.

I like this explanation: There is a healthy middle range for feeling emotions like guilt, shame and self-blame. Some people (possibly due to upbringing) are more inclined to feel these, and they are more likely to end up in relationships with people down the other end of the spectrum who never allow themselves to feel these emotions. The person who doesn't feel guilt/shame/self-blame will then project those feelings on their partner even when it is completely unreasonable.

Well done for leaving and it sounds like you've escaped an abusive dynamic because it is abusive if you are always made to be the problem and the person who has to carry the burden of all the guilt/shame/self-blame.

I think immature men are very good at making their partners feel that they need mothering and the guilt we feel when we walk away is inbuilt in us. It's almost like abandoning a child. Then there's the pressure from society on women to be kind caregivers.
I don't think there's a right way to feel straight after a breakup. You've made a tough decision and you should feel proud of yourself for making a choice that will make your life better. I imagine you'll feel every emotion over the next few weeks so be kind to yourself.
Are you still living together? If so, when will you be able to leave?

User753175 thank you for your response.
Yes we're still living together and keeping things reasonably civil though I will be leaving in @ 4-6 weeks...he has no idea but thinks we'll carry on like this indefinitely! Probably because I do everything and make it easy for him.

Separate bedrooms though!!

I think it's fine to be civil to him until you aren't sharing a space with him. There's no point in antagonising him and making your life more difficult than it has to be.
You just need to get through the days until you can leave. You're probably in survival mode at the moment and you probably won't be properly able to process your feelings until you're fully away from him.
Best of luck with the move.

My goodness OP you say he befriends " young girls"? He sounds like a paedophile.
Shouldn't you be reporting him to the police?

Raindropsaredancing
I mean in their mid 20's...a lot younger than me!!