Random comment

[Solidstatedrive]

For a bit of context I work with mostly men and we do have a lot of banter at work.

There is this guy that I work with once or twice every one-two months that I met a couple of years ago. He showed interest in me but backed off straight away when I mentioned my DP. Things were cooler for a while but still professional on Both sides.
We started chatting a fair bit afterwards, but nothing unprofessional, he does try to make banter as he noticed the dynamic I have with my regular colleagues. The only thing is from him it comes out as a bad joke sometimes. Anyway, last time I saw him he was showing me some photos that he opened from a message app, not sure from who or to whom the messages were addressed. Next thing I know he mentions his friend telling not having had sex with his wife for a few weeks and him replying “well let me think how long I haven’t had any action for” sort of thing(as a joke). I made a joke back because that is my way of dealing with things, but it felt as such a random thing to say.

What would you make of that? Another bad joke I should forget about or he is just testing boundaries?

What do you mean by 'banter'? Banter for me is having a bit of back and forth with someone but it wouldn't be sexual especially not at work.

I don't want to know about the sex lives of anyone, let alone colleague's friends. I think he was testing boundaries on how you'd tolerate sex talk but not necessarily because he wants to get you into bed.

He's clearly a weirdo. Who talks about sex to their colleagues? Tell him you don't want to hear it and he needs to shut up about such things.
If he won't then speak to HR.

I agree about it testing boundaries. I (married guy) meet up with some colleagues (mainly female) every few months and we have a laugh and discuss various wide ranging things but I'd never be bring up anything about anyone's sex life or make jokey comments to try and get them to ask questions (which I think he's also doing).

Some do it for the shock value, they want you to react badly or gasp which they then find funny. So it's testing boudaries to see if you will give them the reaction they are seeking.

Lots of people!

Maybe so but they shouldn't. Even in a really bantery workplace we didn't actually talk openly about our sex lives?! Maybe the odd crude joke here and there but nothing personal.

At the risk of mansplaining - He’s not a weirdo. Don’t over complicate this: He’s saying he’s not happy, and asking whether you have a happy sex life with your partner, in the hope you’ll say no and he’ll then think he’s in with a chance.

Up until recent months I was the only female in the building so my colleagues do see me as one of the guys and feel relatively safe to make all sorts of jokes in my presence, not necessarily addressed to me. But I am aware they talk a lot worse when I am not around. So yes, there are work places where people make fun of their own sex lives/wives.I even have to tell them not to speak ill of them in front of others but that is the reality of it.

So this guy always seemed decent but I felt he was in a way making an effort to come across like that. Whenever he tried to be more like the others it looked like a bad joke.

I agree with the last poster, he is a bit curious about my life but because his ego got hurt a while ago he can’t ask me outright certain things. Which he shouldn’t anyway.

I am not giving it any more thought, it was something that was quite raw the other day and wanted an outside opinion.

I am aware that the culture from my workplace is a no no in other places and that makes me question sometimes what is acceptable and what isn’t.