My brother is in an abusive and toxic relationship with new wife

[deepwaterswimming]

I'm really worried about my brother who left his long term marriage for a young Filipino woman. Needless to say, he was blown away by excitement at the beginning of the relationship but she immediately got pregnant and insisted she wanted to move to the UK.
My brother is a very weak and gentle soul and it seems as if his new wife (they married for her visa) is now completely controlling him. He hardly sees his children from his first marriage, he works longs hours (she does nothing and the child is as school) and he's an alcoholic now.
The new wife flies off the handle and is ridiculously jealous of the first wife who is successful and totally has her life together.
I think my brother is too controlled to leave the marriage and he also wouldn't want to be seen to have failed again.
Any advice? We never get alone time to talk to him but he looks like the most miserable person on earth these days. It's so sad to see. He's 58.

“He hardly sees his children from his first marriage”

Wow. Hope the kids he has discarded are getting the same sympathy from you and your family as your brother is. Please concentrate your efforts on them.

Any advice?

He's 58. He freely chose to abandon his wife and children.

He is not helpless or incapable of taking responsibility for his own life.

Only alcoholics can decide not to be alcoholics. Family members can't 'save' loved ones.

Another vote for this poor 'gentle soul' having made his own bed. Karma sure is getting him for his weakness and perfidy. Serves him right.

And the children…

Man fucks his wife and kids off and imports younger wife who was desperate for a better life. Impregnates her then becomes an alcoholic who can’t meet the needs of his next kid as well as older kids. Moans about his choices and how nothing is his fault.

And somehow he’s still got women feeling sorry for him.

I would be so embarrassed if this was my brother.

So he dumped his long term wife and kids to run off with a Fillipino girl whom he no doubt searched for online because (apart from wanting a bit of young flesh) they're supposed to do anything a man could possibly want in bed. He immediately got her up the duff and he's a boozer. Sounds like a great bloke! It also sounds like his ex wife is well shot of the dirty old git.

My brother is a very weak and gentle soul

Doesn't tally with dumping your wife and kids and flying off to impregnate someone else.

It's funny, so often on threads where a woman has found herself abandoned for a younger, sexier, model, and left to pick up the pieces of her life and the lives of her children, she's told, "don't worry, eventually he'll realise he made a colossal mistake".

Your brother, I am afraid, is in the "shit, I made a colossal mistake" period now I guess. LIfe with his first wife was perhaps a bit boring, less sex, lots of responsoibilities to deal with the children and he didn't want that. so he went off and found excitement elsewhere and blew up lots of lives.

And now, years down the line, he's miserable and unhappy.

I am sureyou love your brother but this is HIS fault. he chose to abandon his family. If he could do it once, there's no reason he couldn't leave this woman too. He probably hasn't because he can't' find a hotter, younger model anymore and it would be to expensive anyway.

He voted with his dick and lost. No sympathy here at all. Sorry.

Whatever. Made his bed, now he can lie in it. Same goes for those middle-aged women who fall for hot Tunisian, Egyptian, etc guys who are their sons'/grandsons' age, marry and give them their life savings because 'it's love, innit'.

Fool and their money, etc

Why doesn’t he see his kids?

"young Filipino woman" what has her ethnicity got to do with anything?

"she immediately got pregnant" You mean your DB immediately got her pregnant. He should have used a condom

"his new wife (they married for her visa) is now completely controlling him" how do you know this?

He hardly sees his children = his choice

He works longs hours = Again, his choice

It's a tale as old as time. Man is a bit of a dick, and he and everyone else blames the wife. Misogyny 101

How did he meet this young woman? Was it online?

Obviously, you will feel sorry for him because he is your brother. To the rest of us he is a sleazy middle aged man who left his wife and kids for a much younger woman, who probably only married him for his money and a visa. I doubt you will get much sympathy for him here.

he looks like the most miserable person on earth these days

Excellent. He can serve as a warning to all the other blokes who throw their lives down the toilet in the mistaken belief that the young attractive woman really thinks this middle-aged going-to-seed bloke is marvellous, instead of viewing him as a walking wallet.

Your alcoholic brother, who left his wife for a decades younger, vulnerable woman from a developing country and barely sees his children is a “gentle soul”. Your brother is the last person I’d be worried about in this situation. His poor children, his poor ex-wife, his poor new wife. They all deserve better.