DH and getting healthy

[NC85]

Hi all,

NC for obvious reasons.

Me and DH have been married for 5 years and have 2 DC.

My DH is wonderful but I'm concerned for his health. He has put on quite a bit of weight over the years and is chronically very tired. He is being treated for a thyroid problem and all is ok that end after bloods but he is just unfit(?). And I don't know how to broach the subject with him without him getting defensive or upset.

Our sex life is not great because it's just uncomfortable and awkward in certain positions. I've sort of put up with it because I love him and half hoped the difficulty of sex might be a push to change his habits but a few times now he's gotten too tired after a little while and we've had to stop.

I said to him we could try to be healthier together. Maybe the gym. No take aways etc. But he says he doesn't want to do either.

I like to think I'm pretty healthy, I'm early 30s and healthy BMI. He is 40 and Ive never noticed our age difference till now I guess.

I love him so much but I'm worried I'm slowly feeling less attracted to him and I feel like a terrible person saying that. I feel selfish saying that.

I just have the horrid feeling in the pit of my stomach because I feel I'm betraying him even feeling like this. I love him, I don't want to leave him I'm just at a loss.

How do I go about this gently without upsetting him? What on earth do I do?
Am I a terrible person?

What are his numbers? Weight? Height?

Has he considered Weightloss injections.

Thyroid problems are a pain and drain you (IME) WLI’s at least give you a more even playing field with the rest of the world when it comes to WL.

Does he want to get fit? You can't change a person.

Has he got any active hobbies or interests he could pursue? I mean, the gym or giving up takeaways don't sound fun (unless you're into that).

If you want a change of lifestyle to something healthier for him and you, I'd look for something fun to do together. It's more likely to stick if he enjoys it.

If he's very tired due to the thyroid issue, maybe he needs more understanding and time to get right? Is he depressed at all?

Now the weather is better can you suggest some outdoor activities as a family? Get a national trust membership and each weekend and get a walk in? Take the kids out to the rec or play equipment each evening? Walk there and back.

dont frame it as a him issue, he might find the idea overwhelming or embarrassing. Get him started by stealth. The kids slept so much better last night after having a run around after school rather than watching TV. That kind of thing.

if you are looking after the food shop cut back on the treats and pop so it’s not in the house. You can’t control what he does when his out, but you may be able to make things less accessible at home.

on your nights to cook, are there any swaps or different dishes you can try? Bulk out spag Bol with more vegetables, air fry fajitas?

it won’t do the kids any harm, so you can just say it is a better choice for the family.

maybe if he starts to see a lot change or finds something that he enjoys he might finds some motivation

@NC85 I don’t think this is an age problem. Jeeze he is only 40 this is a dh problem and his attitude problem ?
How heavy is he . How bad does he eat.?

Id be honest. Tell him you need him to get healthy/fit for your marriage.

If he can’t do it for himself the. Maybe for your marriage . He has a decision . I think it’s a pretty selfish choice he is making

As someone with thyroid problems myself (had them 20 years, I also have other complex autoimmune issues) I can categorically tell you that just because his bloods are supposedly normal, he probably doesn’t feel normal. I’m in many thyroid forums and the fatigue and lack of sex drive is very real, in both sexes, even when blood results are “good”. I know that isn’t particularly helpful but it really isn’t as simple a popping a pill and being fine.

Some people need to be shocked into change. A friend (older than you) has an older husband - overweight, under active, smoking and drinking too much, etc etc; it took a doctor having the ‘change or die ‘ conversation for him to get his shit together.