Page 2 | If you saw the OW...

Greatbritish · 2025-04-08T04:15:35+00:00

...what would you do? Would you ignore or would you try to have a chat? Matter of months since you found out about her. You're trying to work on your relationship.

BernardButlersBra · 08/04/2025 13:19

I would take great joy in lording it over her. I'm younger than her, thinner, taller, better educated, better spoken etc etc. Oh and have 2 children, they can't have children. She knows who l am and knew we were married -we all used to be friends before their affair and our subsequent split

NorthernGirl1981 · 08/04/2025 13:23

In my case OW had thought my partner was single. When she realised that he wasn’t she contacted me to let me know he was being unfaithful. At first I didn’t want to believe it but after a few weeks of her trying to convince me I decided to meet up with her to talk it out. Even then I still wasn’t sure she was telling me the truth.

However, when we did meet up she had lots of proof that he’d been cheating on me with her. I was really upset but so was she as he’d been lying to her too and she thought they’d had something special. He’d made mugs of both of us.

I’ve moved away from that area now, but for a year or so after it happened I did occasionally see her out and about and we were always pleasant to each other because we were the both the victims of his shitty behaviour. I had no reason to dislike her or be angry at her.

SmoothEncounter · 08/04/2025 14:24

Greatbritish · 08/04/2025 09:41

I saw a friend last night.

She asked me what I'd do. I said I'd ignore.

She said she'd have to speak to them.

And if I'd been cheated on, then I'd understand why.

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Would have been helpful to have this info in the Op. Everyine is replying as if it’s you in this situation.

Utr90 · 08/04/2025 17:20

@BernardButlersBra But your husband/DP still left you for her. Being "thinner, younger and better spoken" does not mean you are "better".

SoMauveMonty · 08/04/2025 17:26

In reality, probably give her a frosty stare then ignore. In my mind, or if feeling brave, give her a mouthful.
And yes i know, it was my now ex DH who was married to me, not her - she owed me no loyalty - and the vast majority of my ire i did save for him. But she chose to get involved with him knowing he was married and had a family.
I take a really dim view of anyone who does that, and think a bloody good tongue lashing is the least they deserve, tbh.

BernardButlersBra · 08/04/2025 18:10

Utr90 · 08/04/2025 17:20

@BernardButlersBra But your husband/DP still left you for her. Being "thinner, younger and better spoken" does not mean you are "better".

That’s a matter of debate. Factually l have got a lot more qualifications than her of an higher level and don’t talk like someone out of a well known noughties TV show. Plus l have better morals. Karma wise it worked out better for me, my 2nd husband is a better match for me. Plus l still chuckle about my 1st husband stating he was going to “marry her and have children with her”. She’s knocking 50 now so that appears somewhat unlikely.
I don’t have to be polite about her, she is the OW after all. Luckily l haven’t seen her for years

takingbackmypower · 08/04/2025 22:13

SoMauveMonty · 08/04/2025 17:26

In reality, probably give her a frosty stare then ignore. In my mind, or if feeling brave, give her a mouthful.
And yes i know, it was my now ex DH who was married to me, not her - she owed me no loyalty - and the vast majority of my ire i did save for him. But she chose to get involved with him knowing he was married and had a family.
I take a really dim view of anyone who does that, and think a bloody good tongue lashing is the least they deserve, tbh.

Agree, to everything.
So far I have seen her only once, at public transportation. I wanted to lash out, tell her what a shitty person she is. But I didn't want to make a scene and settled for a couple of frosty stares. If she was under the impression I didn't know, or didn't know who she is, at least now she knows she was wrong. I hope she feels ashamed of herself.
The most hurtful thing I've pictured my self saying to her, is that I hope some day someone does the same thing to her daughter. She is a single mom. And I know it's not her daughters fault and I certainly don't want to hurt a child, but I want the shitty mom to really feel the pain. The speech will only happen in my mind.
My marriage broke down for nothing. She didn't want my husband when it came to it.
Maybe I soon can turn my mind around and see this as if she did me a favour and helped me get rid of my useless husband.

SoMauveMonty · 08/04/2025 23:22

takingbackmypower · 08/04/2025 22:13

Agree, to everything.
So far I have seen her only once, at public transportation. I wanted to lash out, tell her what a shitty person she is. But I didn't want to make a scene and settled for a couple of frosty stares. If she was under the impression I didn't know, or didn't know who she is, at least now she knows she was wrong. I hope she feels ashamed of herself.
The most hurtful thing I've pictured my self saying to her, is that I hope some day someone does the same thing to her daughter. She is a single mom. And I know it's not her daughters fault and I certainly don't want to hurt a child, but I want the shitty mom to really feel the pain. The speech will only happen in my mind.
My marriage broke down for nothing. She didn't want my husband when it came to it.
Maybe I soon can turn my mind around and see this as if she did me a favour and helped me get rid of my useless husband.

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I hope in time you will turn your mind around. I'm sure you will. I had a v bumpy year, spells of feeling murderous to spells of deep despair and sadness. I think it's healthy to let yourself feel what you feel when you feel it tbh, it's like a process you need to go through (just don't smash any windows or paint TWAT on his front door :) )
I've now made my peace with it. I have my dcs, a roof over our heads, good friends....Life is calm and i feel have more options and more control than before, which is liberating.
Sending positive thoughts.

Maddy70 · 09/04/2025 00:39

Why would you give her head space?

PluckyBamboo · 09/04/2025 00:58

I would be tempted to approach in a concerned sisterhood manner to let her know she was one in a long line and should make an urgent referral to the clap clinic.

In reality, I would be confidently strutting my new found single strong woman style as I would never forgive an affair.

Thewookiemustgo · 09/04/2025 20:40

@BernardButlersBra if you’ve never had an affair and are an honest person who would not collude with somebody else’s husband to deceive their wife, you are already a better person than any OW in my book.

mustytrusty · 09/04/2025 21:08

I saw her. I was with my dc's and two of their friends on a hot sunny day. We were out on a walk and having a lovely time. She was coming in the opposite direction on her bike, all hot and sweaty and on her own. I was so glad to have seen her looking shit whilst knowing that I was happy and better off.

BelfastBard · 09/04/2025 21:32

I wouldn’t. Because it wasn’t her who betrayed me and there’s nothing she could say to repair the situation. That said, I wouldn’t stay with someone who had cheated on me, no matter what his excuse was.

Lighteningstrikes · 09/04/2025 21:38

I would say, don’t you care about the children. How can you be so utterly selfish.

Having said that, she didn’t have any children, so I guess she could never truly understand how devastating it was for them.

WilfredsPies · 09/04/2025 21:57

I would do my very best to sweep past her, like a calm and serene being, totally confident and assured, completely untouched and unbothered by her. Then I’d go home and tell him how much I hated him for putting me through that and that he was a fucking arsehole.