Going no contact

[Biglittlepig]

Both parents are dead and recent arguments about inheritance have made me realise that the relationship with my sibling is beyond repair (I think). Would I be unreasonable to go no contact? We live hours from each other. It’s at the stage where I dread seeing their name come up on my phone. Is there an alternative? Has anyone done this and regretted it?

You can do whatever is best for your own mental health and emotional safety.

Do you have other siblings? What was your relationship like before your parents deaths? When My DM died (4 years after DF) the relationship with my only sibling broke down and I went no contact. No other surviving siblings and honestly it made me so sad but I couldn't see a way forward. It was a temporary relief though and over the months and now years I deeply regret it. The arguments and gripes seem petty now and not worth the loss of the relationship. It was mostly over inheritance and if I could change the way I behaved I would. I think at the time I made them out to be the unreasonable one, but in hindsight my behaviour was no better. Grief can make people crazy in so many ways. It can accentuate characteristics but can also make people behave out of character. No amount of stuff is worth the loss of a reIationship IMO. I miss them. I miss the shared references, sharing the past with them, and that sibling connection. I know they felt deeply wounded by my lack of contact which is why I think it is now broken beyond repair. People on MN are very quick to shout go no contact but it isn't always the best option and avoids taking any responsibility.

Protect your mental health first.

Going no contact does not mean avoiding taking responsibility, far from it. Relationships are also two way. Going no contact means saying no more and no longer to being abused. It’s often a decision made after years of soul searching. Family members can remain in contact with their toxic tormentors because of inheritance but there’s no guarantee that they will actually receive anything. Also toxic people never apologise nor accept any responsibility for their actions.

Protect your peace op, that is far more important. You do not have to make a song and dance about going no contact, just make yourself far less available to that person going forward. You can also block their means of being able to contact you.

This is heartbreaking and I can totally relate as very similar circumstances.
However I want to share with you I wrote a very heartfelt letter to my relative on the basis the past is in the past so let's leave it there however I would like to think it might be possible to reconcile. I wrote the letter totally from the heart and with no pressure in terms of reconciliation, understanding they might not feel the same way.
Fortunately they did want to reconcile and we have done so with a very positive outcome and believe me I thought there was no way back and it wouldn't happen.
Life is very short, we are all human, we all act out of character at times of grief and we all do and say things we regret.
I reached out on the basis I was strong enough to deal with the situation if I didn't get the response I hoped for, but I knew I would rather try and fail then to not try at all.
I wish you well and hope you find a way forward x

OP please could I suggest an alternative?
How about you go NC for an agreed and pre-determined amount of time which you communicate and agree with your sibling?
Something along the lines of you are both grieving and recent events have been difficult for you both. At present you are both dealing with a lot and it is difficult to have the headspace to think clearly.
As things are why don't we take a bit of time out and give each other the space to grieve and process recent events. We could then get in touch in a few months to see how we are both feeling.

My advice don't close the door and don't make any decisions now you might regret later.

I wish you well OP and I hope you can find a way forward x

I had a similar situation 5 years ago. 2 x brothers and their wives made the Probate process absolutely impossible, high stress, and as difficult as possible, with extra costs (deliberately) being racked up by them and the eventual outcome of me not receiving the full amount of inheritance I probably should have done.

For background:
● the death 5 years ago was the death of our last surviving parent, and last surviving relative in the UK
● prior to the death of my father, there had already been 10 years of manipulation and gaslighting by one Sister in Law - to triangulate me from the rest of the family, and creation of an evil narcissistic alliance between those 2 x brothers and 2 x SILs.

Therefore I had always known / suspected that the death of our last parent (father) would be extremely difficult.

After Probate was finally settled (we had to continue to communicate during that period to get things done) I blocked all of them on everything - email, text, phone, WhatsApp, Facebook, everything.

For me, I found this to be necessary to protect myself from any further hurt, pain, gaslighting, and manipulation.

Do I regret going NC?
No, because in my circumstances I believe there was no other option.

However it has left me a very lonely adult orphan with no family support / family contacts. When I have to fill out "next of kin" on forms it causes me problems as I'm not married, and don't want to nominate the brother I would have (15 years ago) put down as my next of kin.

I also live more than 200 miles away from them which made the decision to block and delete them from my life much easier.