The internet is so disgusting to single mum's and dating / in general

[Positivity111]

The internet towards dating single mums is so disgusting. As a single mother it's devaluing and to see other women validating these posts is crazy! What's everyone's views on relationships as a single mother or dating one?

Because in real life I don't see what online is saying, nor have I experienced guys trying to use me for sex. Am I delusional to think someone would genuinely want to spend their life with me as a single mum or is there a toxic culture online ?

Hello, I don’t have any useful information but as a fellow single mum I just wanted to say we deserve as much love as anyone else.

There are some men who will see a single mum as an easy target. However, what you read on MN isn’t reflective of real life. If you believed everything on here it would seem like 95% of men are just using women for sex, lazy partners, useless dads, and even sex abusers. Yes some men are like that, and the number of higher men like that is higher than women, but the majority of men are decent.

What comments on the internet are you referring to?
Some men will be open to dating a single mum, some won’t be. Thats perfectly fine, no one has to date someone with kids if they don’t want to.
Personally I would never actively pursue a relationship with a single dad.

What are you offering potential long term partners? Or are you just looking to date?

I am offering long potential partners @DenholmElliot11. It's not me saying people are obligated to date single mothers, I am just saying I see things online about using single mums as they are easy and generalisations of what they are like etc. I just find it crazy as I see so much of it online but I have not experienced it @Sofiewoo so more seeing others experience and opinion

Some people see single mothers as damage goods. I'm a single mother BTW. I don't see that way, I see it as we have raise the bar because we have learn from our previous relationship and we are looking for a relationship that suit us, not for any relationship.
They can see me as they please, I know for sure that most of the men won't suit me so I don't even look at them.

There are always the posters popping up on every thread about single mums dating implying that the majority of men that you will attract are paedophiles after your kids. Which is quite the exaggeration 🙄.

Nevertheless, it does have its difficulties. Date a childless man and he will often find it difficult to comprehend you're not his first priority. Date a man with kids and aligning schedules is hellish.

The single mums being easy thing is just sheer misogyny. Stop looking at those sites for your mental health. And stay miles away from any man with that attitude.

But also....even if you're looking for a long term partner, be very very very wary about moving someone in. You can have a relationship without living together.

You're not looking to attract knuckle draggers (hopefully), you're looking to attract a kind, decent human being. I wouldn't worry about the views of online woman haters.

To be honest you don't have to date. I've managed 15yrs without a date or social life. I'm not dead 😁. The kids, work and the gym take up all my time and I've never had a babysitter. I can't think of anything worse than making my life more complicated.

Realistically, most parents live very different lives to childfree people. Decent parents are going to prioritise their children over new romances. And the pool of men who are going to want their lives to revolve around other men's children is small. Of those, a decent number will be:

• men who can't attract anyone else
• men who think single mothers will be so desperate for affection that they'll put up with anything (cocklodgers, basically)
• paedophiles who are just pretending to find the mother attractive to get to the kids (this is far more common than society likes to admit - people like to dismiss it as hysteria, but of course paedophiles are going to target women with children)

It's not fair, it's not nice - but it is what it is.

What a thoroughly depressing post. What about single dads who might be trying to date?

They generally won’t have their children the majority of the time so will find it much easier. When you are child free 12/14 it’s a lot easier than 2/14.

i think it’s naive to think that single mums aren’t in a vulnerable position when it comes to dating. Their options are limited and unfortunately they do attract a less than desirable type of man. I say this as a single mum who was targets by a man who basically wanted to use me to get to my children. He was the “perfect partner” on the surface. The core was rotten though

I think you are conflating a couple of issues. Men who seem single mothers as an easy target are obviously despicable. But a man is well within his rights to want to avoid a single mum when dating. It’s a completely different lifestyle and they are entitled to want a relationship without taking on someone else’s kids.

I wouldn’t date a man with kids- I have no desire to become a stepmother. I want kids of my own and don’t want my partner to have half a mind on his other kids; his kids to always be a priority over me; or my work efforts going 100% to supporting our family whilst he has money going elsewhere.

It sounds like some sort of toxic, misogynistic internet culture. I've not seen that sort of commentary on single mothers. I'm sure there's easier people to sleep with than mums who have kids to look after. Mostly I think they're seen an incredibly hard-working and devoted to their kids when the fathers have made themselves scarce but often struggling to get by.

Plenty of single mums I've known go on to be in relationships with lovely, genuine guys. If I'm completely honest, many of the guys might not be what the woman would've attracted without kids (maybe less wealthy or less attractive) but they're good, respectful relationships.

Not always true. I know many women with more than 1 child who met and married men who were either younger or single or no kids before, got married, adopted all their kids, paid for the kids like they are their own, made more kids, paid even for her grandkids to the daughter she has when she was a teenage mum ( a friend ) and so on

I’m a single mum and I know what you mean.

A friend asked me if I was “desperate” because I went on one date with a man “only” 2.5 years after separating from my now ex husband.

Many people seem to think that by dating we are not prioritising the children. Single dads however do not face the same judgement. As above it is easy to date if you only have your kids 2 nights out of 14.

I’ve found it difficult to date for a number of reasons.

Mumsnet is a very sensationalist platform and usually the most unusual or twisted cases are displayed here

Another one : he paid even for the care home of her mum and paid the whole uni fee for her kids so they never had to repay the loans.

I haven't seen the single mums are easy comments, if anything I've found more posts/videos saying to avoid them altogether.

The vibe I get is that there's no benefit for a man to raise another man's child, as he ends up loving the child, but then has zero rights to it if the mum changes her mind. In that respect, it's harsh, and I feel bad for the single mums, but it's an element of self-preservation for the men.

I don't think many men would date a single Mum as a first choice. I don't think many of them want the hassle.

Yes the internet is vile to single mums. From people saying that single mums are easy, desperate, insane which is why they're single, second-hand goods and basically the cause of all issues in the entire world. Oh and they should stay single until their children are grown up so they don't attract paedophiles.

Whilst single dads raising their children are absolute heroes.

I try to avoid reading anything about single mums because it's so toxic.

I was a single mum for a while, I'm not anymore as I met a wonderful single dad and we've been together for years now. He's showing me what a good, healthy relationship is and he's my child's dad as far as they're concerned. I hope he'll be my life-long partner so yes, I am glad I dated again.

I found being a single parent made me far less desperate and far fussier than some of my childless single friends. The stereotypes are nonsense but sadly I suspect the hatred stems from the fact women have always been seen as...well you know whats...if they aren't virgins whilst single, which single mothers clearly aren't. It's disappointing that particular attitude still lingers.

I think for young single men and women , the dominant preference is that their potential partner is free to meet up at weekends and go out for dinner and generally impromptu stuff. Single parents rarely have that luxury.
The dating pool is generally smaller if you have kids I would think.

The internet is full of shit, and MN is no exception. There's plenty of men out there who will happily date single mums with no ulterior motive. Most often, they have children from a previous relationship themselves. In theory, there should be a similar number of single men with children from previous relationships as there are women, reality is probably a bit different though.

Agree. I think as a single mum it makes sense to date a man with kids. Yes it's more messy I guess but they understand or should understand children come first and hopefully will understand how annoying and hard work children can be. Before I had kids I had no idea!