Is your dh affectionate to you in day to day life or only in bed?

[arabella2]

Because mine doesn't touch me, say nice things to me etc... EVER. Then we will be occasionally be intimate (and there are no sexual problems, in fact it's probably the one and only thing in our relationship which is okay at the moment)and I'm thinking - great that must have broken some kind of ice, but no, the next day it's as if nothing has happened and he goes back to being warm and affectionate with the kids (sitting with, kissing, cuddling - he'll come home and kiss all 3 but not me) and totally detached from me.

This has struck a chord with me.

I am the other side of this coin.

My DH would love to show me more physical affection but I am the one who clams up. I have no idea why. It may be something to do with it always being prelude to sex (I like sex, just mostly on MY terms so I hate to be groped.)

The funny thing is, my DH is a very reasonable fella and if I explained this he would understand and respect my POV. I just can't seem to bring myself to talk about it.

Long story short, I sympathise to some extent with Arabella's DH (although I do agree some of the behaviour you describe is controlling and I don't do any of that shenanigans).

I meant to add, I think that some people are just not naturally very tactile. To try and force it feels very alien.

Hi. Just thought I would add my bit, not read the whole thread though.

My OH has always been very unaffectionate. Me on the otherhand am affectionate. He wont cuddle me in the day, does kiss me if he arrives home or leaves most of the time but no snogs! He works away in the week and we still have a healthy sex life but that is when his affection comes out. I look at it as his parents are not affectionate at all and this is how he has been brought up but my parents were affectionate so so am I. I am affectionate to my kids, he will give them a cuddle though.

I have kind of become withdrawn from this and don't really care now if I get a cuddle or not!

Neither!!

My DH is the same - no physical affection apart from in bed. I have got used to it. All his family are the same. I have told him again and again but he forgets and he just can't change sincerely it is just the way some people are put together.

i don't want to be slobbered over but hey - holding hands would be a start LOL

yes I agree eyeliner. I don't want to be slobbered over but it would be nice if he did grab me for a cuddle rather than me doing it all the time. I would just love to lay on the sofa cuddling sometimes but that never happens

Thanks for messages.
Have decided am okay with the odd demonstration here and there and would actually not like him all over me either. And that there are things I can do to improve relationship but for some reason am steadfastly not doing them. I think when people have said unkind things to you in the past it's difficult to forget them and you carry a kind of stale resentment and hurt around.

"I've told him I need cuddles etc on a day to day basis to feel like having sex with him but it's like he can't process that and whenever we do cuddle he starts groping or humping me within minutes-it really pisses me off."

Same here too - it would be nice for a cuddle to just be a cuddle iykwim...Ireally dont want to be groped when im cooking tea and the children are trying to kill each other!!

It is a relief to know I'm not the only one..I think you can't change someone if its so ingrained (their bloody parents!) and if I add up all the good bits they out weigh the bad. Especially when I see how may of my friends husbands do sodall around the house. That wouldbe worse as that is behaviour you can change.

Or am I fooling myself????