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Original poster

Can someone break this down

6 replies

Breakitdown · 06/04/2025 21:59

Hi all,

NC'ed as this is kind of embarrassing and confusing.

Been seeing a guy 18 months now, it's a LDR and it's got legs. We've become closer to each other as time passes and are now starting to plan a future together. All good.

But.... I feel like I'm at the point where I feel overly attached. I think about him all the time and look for reasons to be in touch, even though I know he will contact me every day.

This isn't the first time that I've had these feelings for someone I've been seeing. It's like I find love completely overwhelming. I have been on my own for a period of years following a bad relationship and now I've found someone I utterly love and I feel like I'm too much sometimes. Like I don't know what's normal.

Then I end up thinking back to the beginning before we got together and he liked me and I him, but neither of us had said it yet and then I end up thinking does he wish it was still like that? You know like it had some mystery of will we, won't we?

Now we definitely are an item and I've grown to love him over time but I end up thinking I'll never get those early days back again where we weren't even dating, we were still just friends but the feelings were underneath.

Can anyone make sense of what's going on with me here? I know it's entirely my head. Please be kind but why do I get these feelings?

OP posts:
PriscillaQueen · 06/04/2025 22:18

Therapy dear. You seem to have issues with your attachment style. Therapy. I’m not sure how much else you have in your life besides him but if not much then get a hobby or see your friends more. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

Original poster
Breakitdown · 07/04/2025 07:02

I have a massively busy life, that's the thing. I work f/t, have 2 kids, I always have plans at the weekends and I'm independent. But when it comes to love, I get overwhelmed by it. And I always think it's going to go wrong no matter what. I just think love is too much for me to handle.

OP posts:
SantasLargerHelper · 07/04/2025 07:15

I'm very similar but am constantly fighting it as I know it's not healthy. That's all you can do really. Acknowledge the feelings, don't act on them or verbalise them. Calm the fuck down, focus on all the other stuff in your life as much as you can. I guess I'm trying to fake it until I make it. Pretend I'm a balanced grown up who can have a healthy non obsessive relationship. You have my sympathies, we clearly do have attachment issues but don't let it spoil your enjoyment of the relationship.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/04/2025 07:16

No, love is not too much for you to handle and the person you are now with is actually decent. You are worthy of being loved.

Your past bad relationship/s has left its mark and that is why you are feeling as you are. Enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programne as this is for people who have been in abusive relationships. Consider therapy in order also to unlearn all the crap you have picked up about relationships along the way.

Original poster
Breakitdown · 07/04/2025 07:57

SantasLargerHelper · 07/04/2025 07:15

I'm very similar but am constantly fighting it as I know it's not healthy. That's all you can do really. Acknowledge the feelings, don't act on them or verbalise them. Calm the fuck down, focus on all the other stuff in your life as much as you can. I guess I'm trying to fake it until I make it. Pretend I'm a balanced grown up who can have a healthy non obsessive relationship. You have my sympathies, we clearly do have attachment issues but don't let it spoil your enjoyment of the relationship.

Thank you so much! I'm glad it's not just me. I'm the surface I'm calm, fiercely independent etc. Not even romantic in the slightest. Underneath I'm a mess of emotions like I don't know how to handle them. I wish I could pinpoint trauma, but my upbringing with solid and stable with parents who love each other very much. Wtf is wrong with me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Breakitdown · 07/04/2025 07:59

AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/04/2025 07:16

No, love is not too much for you to handle and the person you are now with is actually decent. You are worthy of being loved.

Your past bad relationship/s has left its mark and that is why you are feeling as you are. Enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programne as this is for people who have been in abusive relationships. Consider therapy in order also to unlearn all the crap you have picked up about relationships along the way.

Thank you! I always assumed the FP was for people in abusive relationships as I read it a lot on here. I'm long done with mine and I recognise my new guy as a decent person who wouldn't hurt me at all. I will look into to though if it will help.

Has anyone had therapy for these type of feelings? Did it work?

OP posts:
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