Boyfriend Issue

[Ash444]

Hi
I need some real advice. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost three years, i’m about to turn 20 this summer. Last summer i caught him on tinder while he was working abroad, the only reason i caught him was because i looked on his saved images and he forgot to delete a screenshot of a women’s tinder profile. He claims he never talked to any girls or met up with anyone i didn’t believe this at first but after a week or so of back and forth i forgave him due to how well suited we are. At the beginning of our relationship a few friends of friends had told me some ‘stories’ of what he got up to during nights out including kissing another girl, when i came to him concerned with this he shrugged it off as jealousy as his ex girlfriend wasn’t taking our new relationship well and blamed her for circulating the rumours. This has all been settled until today , i don’t know why but i have started to crack. He told me today i had no friends. I was deeply upset by this, im very busy as i work two part time jobs while studying my nursing degree and it’s very rarely i get a day to myself and i do i spend it with him. This really upset me as i had a very traumatic childhood and one of the most upsetting things for me is that i had little to no friends. I do have friends now but they are all friends that understand my circumstances, they know i cant go out clubbing every weekend and will meet me every so often. I’m content with this. I also feel as if he tries to make me feel little, but i don’t know if im overthinking this? What would you do ? i’m so torn on why i am so scared of leaving him

You're still a teenager, you don't need to put up with rubbish men like this one. At your age you should still be testing the waters, not tying yourself down with someone who is looking at other girls and is not even very nice to you.
You don't need to have a boyfriend, focus on your studies and your jobs and get to see a bit more of your friends. It doesn't sound as if he is making you happy.

He's not going to remain loyal OP. It's very hard to end relationships, especially with someone you love but he's cheating on you. You can't trust him.

Unless you want to spend the next few years with a knot in your stomach and snooping on him, you have to walk away. It's no life.

How old is he?

Please op just break up with him.

You're still a teenager. Don't saddle yourself with an arsehole who says unkind things to you and looks at Tinder behind your back.

For goodness sake, don't get pregnant.

He’s an arsehole. Bin him off. You’re too young to settle for such a crappy guy

You’re only just an adult and you’re wasting your youth on a lying cheat.

Please understand he’s not the man for you. There’s so much better out there in life - don’t waste your best years on someone who isn’t worth your time

Oh love he sounds like a proper headworker.
And you should be proud of what you are able to maintain while studying.

Well suited? Are you sure? How? going by what you are writing it sounds like he is very manipulative.
I am sure he is able to convince you that he is not cheating by blaming someone who is no longer in his life. His ex. To me that is just too convinient and he knows he can use it on you because he has been able to polish this lie in the past. Your spidery senses are correct. He is basically showing you how he feels you should be treated, and seeing you had a tough childhood, you may be more vulnerable to such treatment. You have given him 3 years, many chances by the sound of things. Why are you letting someone like that treat you like that, scoop up your dignity and know your worth, he is breaking you down.

The “you have no friends” is a cheap nasty dig. He knows it’s going to hurt you and continues to say it, to upset you and make you feel sad.
I’ve had that comment before, from opening up about feeling left out in a certain friendship group, to then having it thrown in my face that “I have no friends” … I have 3 friendship groups and some amazing friends. I think it’s a jealous, controlling comment to make - it’s not reflective on you, don’t let him upset you saying that - know your own worth !

OP, I'm 50 so my dating options are far, far less than yours!

I've been with my partner for around 3 and a half years. If I discovered this about him, I would end it.

When you imagine your future, your life, your relationship, does it look like this? Having doubts about a man who criticises you and goes on Tinder behind your back?

My daughter is 18 so I'm right back in the middle of reliving those years when a boyfriend feels like everything to you, when you can't imagine being without them.and wondering if anyone else will ever love you...

But they're not everything (especially when they behave like this!), you will be fine without him (and better!) and you will find love again.

Look at you. You working 2 part time jobs in top of a nursing degree. You have friends who understand your social life can't be a priority right now.

Prioritise yourself, your life and your future. A good boyfriend will then be the icing on the cake of your life. You do not need to be held back by a boy in any respect. And especially not one who would treat you like this.

You are precious and if he can't see that - more fool him.

You’re very young and in years to come, you will wonder what you ever saw in this horrible person!
You would be better off single than you are in this toxic relationship. He’s doing his best to destroy your self esteem and upset you when he can, because he is a narcissist who can’t stand the thought of you bettering yourself. You are on your way to becoming a strong, independent woman. You’re working two jobs whilst studying to become a nurse, which is no mean feat. This man is a millstone around your neck and the sooner you release yourself from him, the better!

He's not a narcissist 🙄

He's just a common or garden inadequate man and the OP will meet plenty of them in her life. As we all have.