Why do I have an intense feeling to message his family

[OneSparklyExpert]

I had a brief relationship with a man which ended in a child being born. He cut me off and when the baby was born I messaged his mum and sister on Facebook. Mum blocked me and sister was initially interested but than went dead due to her mental health (think she had a relationship break down).

Anyway I ended by giving my email address and deleting my Facebook account.

For the last week I've had a desire to message her again. Not sure why.

Bad idea right? I've never meet her btw.

Very bad idea. I don't know what you are hoping for, but they are not going to offer anything.

Better to accept that neither the father nor his family wish to be involved in any way. It is their loss.

Yes I guess it's my loss more. They aren't losing anything :(

They are losing a relationship with a niece/grandchild.

What exactly are you losing? A relationship with people you've never met, who sound pretty uncaring.

Theyve never meet my son so aren't losing anything?

I think if you’re going to contact them again then you need to be sure with yourself what you want from it, and if that’s to build relationships then you need to commit yourself to consistency, which is what I’d worry about in their shoes. Contacting them the first time about the baby and then deleting yourself from social media is a bit of a red flag from their position: are they going to put time and effort into a building a relationship with the baby only for you to delete and block or whatever and disappear, and all that relationship they’ve worked to build is just gone.

She ignored me for 6 weeks and mum blocked me, and babys father didn't tell anyone and has blocked me

I think the red flags are all from them
.

Why have you posted this twice?

If you think the red flags are all from them then don’t contact them. It doesn’t sound as though you’re particularly interested in a relationship for your baby’s sake, and in their position I wouldn’t be interested in you either - so I’d just leave it and focus on your own family and friends.

Well obviously they are losing the opportunity to have a relationship with their grandchild/niece/nephew. You aren’t losing anything. The guy is a waste of space. His family sound like they are too.

Perhaps what you might need to think about is that you don't know what he told them about you. Whatever it was, it was most likely a complete pack of lies, and that you're 'crazy' in some way, which is why he left you.

If you are going to message anyone (and I assume you're thinking of the sister) then be prepared for her to assume the worst about you, and not want to know.

Or maybe he got back with his ex? I don't know

Oh yeah he said he didn't know me... Lol

Why do you want to?

Good question!

Why is his ex relevant? Could your feeling that you need to contact them be because you want to actually re-establish contact with him via them? Or to find out if he is with someone?

Really think about what outcome you’d want from this in an ideal world. Do you have support from your own family?

No. Because that's also his blood family so I don't want to not try

Focus on your son.

These people know who you are and how to get hold of you.

You can't change other people.

Why on earth do you want to?