How many people do you have that truly care for you?

PinataHeeHaw · 2025-04-06T14:03:59+00:00

I have none who would put themselves out for me. My mum helps superficially like looks after the pets when I'm away, but when I want any of her time to spend together, we'll she doesn't give it often, except if her husband is away. He gets sympathy in bucketloads and her time, but me? Nah. There is no one else who I could truly says cares.

SoSadForPoorDH · 06/04/2025 15:28

Well until I recently lost DH I’d have said just him. I do have DM, one sibling and DCs.

However, DM changes the subject and talks about something meaningless, or ‘must just put the dog out’ or something, every time I need to talk about him, DC too young and need their own support, rather than being supportive to me (not about their dad, I mean about anything-crap day in work, flat tyre or whatever) and sibling going through a messy divorce so, although I know they do care, they are a step back from my life and we mostly end up talking about DM and eye rolling at her latest request to borrow money off us or whatever. Both sibling and DM live a 2 hr round trip away so…. No one. I have absolutely nobody to put them selves out for me.

The sad thing is DH always helped anyone. He has helped with friends leaking dishwashers, moved them when moving house, done skip runs for people, delivered shopping, changed tyres but these people are nowhere to be found now I’m in need of some support. I have no one.

Original poster

PinataHeeHaw · 06/04/2025 15:34

SoSadForPoorDH · 06/04/2025 15:28

Well until I recently lost DH I’d have said just him. I do have DM, one sibling and DCs.

However, DM changes the subject and talks about something meaningless, or ‘must just put the dog out’ or something, every time I need to talk about him, DC too young and need their own support, rather than being supportive to me (not about their dad, I mean about anything-crap day in work, flat tyre or whatever) and sibling going through a messy divorce so, although I know they do care, they are a step back from my life and we mostly end up talking about DM and eye rolling at her latest request to borrow money off us or whatever. Both sibling and DM live a 2 hr round trip away so…. No one. I have absolutely nobody to put them selves out for me.

The sad thing is DH always helped anyone. He has helped with friends leaking dishwashers, moved them when moving house, done skip runs for people, delivered shopping, changed tyres but these people are nowhere to be found now I’m in need of some support. I have no one.

@SoSadForPoorDH I am so sorry for your loss. Just know that I am thinking of you. Are your children adults? If so, it's ok to lean on them. Lots of love and thoughts to you 💐

OP posts:

Crushed23 · 06/04/2025 15:42

I have friends that care about me more than family, if caring means truly supporting you and wanting you to be happy on your terms. Family have a very rigid definition of happiness and success (getting married and churning out babies ) and have zero interest in my life. However I don’t think we need lots of people to care about us if we have a lot of self-belief and self-love, which I finally do, in my 30s. So I would concentrate on building yourself up - don’t try to look for external validation.

Hysterectomynext · 06/04/2025 15:42

A small handful
siblings awful and most definitely not in my life or caring
my own children care for me
a few friends care for me. Maybe three?

BlackStrayCat · 06/04/2025 15:58

3.DD and 1xlong term friend (30 yrs) and 1xwonderful new one (3 yrs).

No family whatsoever who support me at all. (Apart from DD)
Many, many aquaintances. Not true friends.

ComtesseDeSpair · 06/04/2025 16:18

Are you in a position to develop and build good friendships? Of all kinds? Deep friendships, where there’s mutual true love and care and support; people who you just have outrageously good fun and laughs with; people who you know you can rely on and who, in turn, know can rely on you; a community where you share things?

I have fantastic parents who worship and adore me and are my greatest cheerleaders; but we aren’t geographically close, and so cultivating my many strong friendships has been where I get much of my day to day care. And it creates a completely different dynamic in life: unlike with family where there can sometimes be a tendency to take each for granted, good friendships are built from both sides.

Strawberriesandpears · 06/04/2025 19:32

ComtesseDeSpair · 06/04/2025 16:18

Are you in a position to develop and build good friendships? Of all kinds? Deep friendships, where there’s mutual true love and care and support; people who you just have outrageously good fun and laughs with; people who you know you can rely on and who, in turn, know can rely on you; a community where you share things?

I have fantastic parents who worship and adore me and are my greatest cheerleaders; but we aren’t geographically close, and so cultivating my many strong friendships has been where I get much of my day to day care. And it creates a completely different dynamic in life: unlike with family where there can sometimes be a tendency to take each for granted, good friendships are built from both sides.

Edited

This sounds really positive. So glad you have managed to cultivate that kind of supportive network. I am an only child and I worry so much about being alone without family, so it's great to hear that friends can be so supportive. I have been working on building my network for the last year or two, and it is going well so far, but there is more I would like to do. 😊

Housewife8 · 06/04/2025 21:10

I have been married for 30 years and on the verge of leaving my husband because of the way he treats me for the last 12 months not caring about me doesn't do anything around the house and doesn't spend time with me anymore and no respect for me at Home or in the marriage anymore

SchrodingersTwat2 · 07/04/2025 09:12

No one, really. I don't even have a next of kin recorded with the NHS!