Help me leave my partner

[LemonDrizzleSlices]

I think I need a bit of emotional support and no nonsense advice to see if I'm doing the right thing.
Together around 9 yrs, things haven't been right since probably before DC (3yrs) came along.
No intimacy, no real attraction. Sleep in seperate rooms..
We have are arguing more and more and the way each other does things and I am slowly hating being around him.

The thing is, we are very lucky to be renting a house from a family member way below market value. I pay a tiny 500£ a month to live here. No bills, those paid by my partner.

I have found a lovely little house, quiet road, can take my cat, garden, driveway and close to transport links, nursery and my partner....for £1500 a month. No bills. Unfurnished (not even white goods)

I earn around 1900 and have savings... Which I am prepared to lose (also I am gutted to do so, it will mean losing my only chance of ever buying somewhere too).

I think I have to just except the costs and then sign on to try and get some governmental help when my savings are gone in 2 years time..

Am I mad? Do I stick it out in an unhappy but not abusive relationship for the sake of money?

Or do I go it alone, spending what I have?

How much savings do you have as you may not be entitled to any UC if they are above a certain amount.

Living of 400 s month with bills isn't sustainable at all.

Can't he move out, if it's your family?

How much do you have in savings? It might be worth seeing if you could meet the affordability criteria for a shared ownership property instead?

With a rent that big a proportion of your salary, will they even rent it to you?

It sounds a lovely place, but practically you should be looking at something smaller that you can afford better, as it's not just the rent it's all the bills too.

What's your chances of progression at work or overtime?

Have you looked at whether you'd be entitled to any UC top-up to your wage as a sole parent straight away?

Knowing him, do you think he'll be good about paying child support or is he likely to be difficult?

And yes, if it's your family member you're currently renting from, he needs to be the one moving out.

I'd definitely look into shared ownership earning what you do, it would be cheaper than renting.

You haven't said if you are married I assume not.

Agree with pp about who's family the house belongs to, assume his or you wouldn't be moving out. Overall you are in quite a vulnerable position. No property in your name, not married, young child, it's good to try to secure your situation and very sensible to have savings.

Have you factored child support into your plans or will you be doing 50/50 with your ex?

And if it's unfurnished, will you be taking furniture & white goods from your current place, or starting over completely? Because that'll impact how nice and liveable you can make it. You'll just be so stretched financially.

You do have options to move out, but I don't think this house is it.

Couldn't you find somewhere cheaper? Even if it's less convenient or no garden?

Hi OP

Im currently in a partly similar situation although a home owner (joint) and have more DC

I have used an online benefits calculator and I will get a chunk towards renting. Have you tried this?

Not married. His house, no chance of me being the one to stay.

I think they will rent to me as I have enough savings to pay the rent for a year. I know I am currently ineligible for UC but once I burn through my savings I will be.

Others options are 2x two bed flats, one on a dodgy road with dodgy blokes always hangout out on it, the other is mouldy and next to the dodgy road. These are around 1200 pcm.

I suppose the third option is to rent a single room in a shared house... But wouldn't be able to take my child or cat with me.

I suspect if I am able to do this right we can stay amicable. Hoping care will be 50:50 as much as possible.

She's in nursery with funded hours and is really settled so can't move away from the area to somewhere cheaper.

I will look into shared ownership options but I don't think there any many in this area. I will only be able to get mortgage for half the current housing prices in this area.

Do it, OP. You can afford it with your savings, which will give you the time to figure out how you keep affording it in the future. Do you have any family who can help? Work more hours?

You can often get free stuff through FB or buy cheap second hand. I would maybe let people know you need [list of essential stuff] as people may have things they don't use or would be willing to sell cheaply.

Good luck! I think you're very brave.

I would go for it op, it is so draining to live like this

We are going to sell our house but I cant wait for that. Unfortunately I need to rent 4+ bedrooms and they don't come along that often. I missed out on one last week because I couldn't view a day earlier

Have a serious look for shared ownership before you leap into renting this place, as it sounds like you might have enough savings for a small deposit & conveyancer fees etc.

Even if it's a bit out of your desired area.

It'd be a shame to burn through your savings if in a year or two, you're going to be really struggling and will no longer have that financial buffer for if the landlord decides to sell up or whatever.

@LemonDrizzleSlices i would check what the local housing allowance rates are first in your area…there’s no point moving into somewhere that you won’t be able to afford once you move on to universal credit. £1500 is a huge rent compared to your income. Check on link www.turn2us.org.uk/get-support/information-for-your-situation/universal-credit-uc-housing-costs-element/universal-credit-uc-how-much-will-i-get-i-m-a-private-tenant

Thank you everyone. You've all give such great advice and I've been able to get my thoughts in order.

@Breambrune thank you for that wonderfully helpful link. It says I will be eligible for £1000 housing allowance so I will be ok when the savings run out.

@THATbasicgirl best of luck to you. I can't imagine how hard it must be with a mortgage and 4 children to navigate. I think deep down I know it is the right thing to do. We can do it 💪.

And I am going to go for it. It will be hard but this is what savings are for. I will be in a different position entirely when I have to re-evaluate again in a couple of years. My little will be in school and I will hopefully move up another rung in my career ladder. Who knows...might have won the lottery too 😉 now fingers crossed I get the house. 🤞

Enough savings to pay rent for a year is a considerable amount of money that would be better used as a house deposit. But if you are confident that you will be in a better financial decision in a few years time then go for it.
Good luck and I hope you get the house .

No advice per se but just wanted to wish you all the luck in the world

I’m renting with two kids while coming out of a marriage. Soon to buy now, as it is unsustainable, but it was the right thing to do in the short term. The estate agent showing me round houses told me that when she got divorced she rented a beautiful cottage for £2K a month and she wasn’t even working! Sometimes it can be an essential part of your method of breaking out.

Good luck OP! Hope you get the house!

Are there cheaper areas with available nursery places near you? I would think of the longer term benefit of a cheaper rental, rather than get stuck on the short term upheaval of a nursery change.

Or the other thing is, if you have an honest chat with your ex and see who is likely to take him to nursery most of the time. If it’s going to be you, and you are going to be the default parent, argue that he support you to take over the current, cheap place, and he move out.

Hows it going @LemonDrizzleSlices ?