Can you regain trust?

[puddlee]

DP and I have been together 7 years, not yet married but engaged.

He massively broke my trust at the end of last year. No evidence of physical cheating but crossed a boundary of mine. I then found evidence that he had used FabSwingers during our relationship though he outright denied this and said he dabbled years ago but nothing came of it and he hasn’t been on it since. However, the passwords section on the iPad indicated that he’d used it in at least 2024. Even when confronted with evidence from 2024 he still completely denied it.

Some days we are fine and other days I just cannot look at him. I can’t bare the thought of him being so sleazy behind my back and others knowing about it. Nobody around us knows he has done this and everyone praises our relationship but it kills me to know that he is actually a massive arse.

We do have a lovely life together, despite this, but does that mean anything when I actually don’t trust him? Will time heal this feeling or are we dead in the water?

Life is too short for this, surely? No, you can’t sustain a relationship on broken foundations.

No. He’s a proven liar and he’s treating you like an idiot. You can’t come back from that.

My h had an affair and I stayed for seven years but never trusted him again. I left over something else. I would have put my life on him never cheating. My advice would be end it. If you had a date and he left to go to the loo and snogged someone on the way back would you see him again? If not, don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy. He's cheated. Broken a boundary. Lied.

He is still lying to you OP even though you have shown him evidence.
How can you possibly trust him when he can't speak to you honestly?
Must better to finish with him now than living a life of doubt.

This doesn't get better. Turn a blind eye now and he knows once you're married you'll put up with whatever he does.

Life is too short for this.

When a boundary is broken the trust has gone.

Be thankful you found out now rather than 20 years down the track with children.

You deserve better.

He’s a proven liar who knows he can lie, cheat and tear you like shit with absolutely no consequences so he knows he gets away with it every time.

So either you choose to tolerate him lying repeatedly or you decide enough is enough - it’s your call.

My partner used fabswingers and adult work 🤢
I was knee deep in children and reeling from losing my Mum at the time.
I would say no, there is no going back from it.
I chose to stay because of my own personal reasons.
He had a physical affair soon after.
They are broken in some way, they don't seem to see you/us as people, they love the thrill and you cannot nor should see that as something you can change in THEM.
It's their path and I hope you are young enough to change yours without that horrible entitlement.

Sorry, I meant to say I hope you are young enough to get out now, without living years of your life with a man who thinks using Fabswingers is his entitlement.. mine thought if he wasn't getting sex at home ( he meant actually with a living breathing woman who has her own needs) he was quite entitled to use these other women.
It's hard to disconnect that side of them but that side of them is the real one.

"We do have a lovely life together, despite this"

Please raise your bar, friend.