Husband’s best friend’s wife is my best friend and I think she’s cheating

[AlemzC]

My DH has known his best friend for over 30 years and I have been one best friends with his wife over the past 10 years. To cut a long story short she has recently left her husband and has now started seeing an ex boyfriend from 20 years ago! She’s denying anything happened before they split but I was suspicious for about 6 months that that there was something going on! I never told anyone as I had no evidence and really hoped I was wrong! Her DH has now put two and two together but she’s denying to everyone! My DH feels very uneasy about me to continuing to be friends with her, his loyalty is absolutely with his best friend which I completely agree with! I’m not sure how I feel about her, I’m angry that’s she’s treated her DH like this and lied to everyone! I just don’t know what to do… she’s messaging me as if nothing has happened but I just don’t know if/how we can continue the friendship! Does anyone have any advice?

If you feel that strongly just let her know that you can’t continue to be friends as it’s making it awkward due to the fact your husband is friends with her ex-husband. You don’t need to say anything else.

There are two sides to every story. Maybe they weee deeply unhappy or he was an a-hole behind closed doors? Maybe they hadnt been intimate in ages and he didn’t care about fixing it - you just never know. Maybe get her side of the story first? Cheating is never ok but i think things get more complicated the older we are.

Don’t get involved! It’s not your business.
remain neutral.

Marriages end every day. What do you think she should have done that would have assured your continued friendship? Stayed with someone she didn’t want to be with?

Stay neutral. You didn’t live her marriage so you don’t know anything. It’s really none of your business. That goes for your husband too.

So she isn't cheating because they have split up? Your issue is that you suspect she was with the other man before they split up but you dot know that for sure.

Why don't you believe your best friend? Are you wanting to please dh so looking for a reason to dump her?

I'd be minding my own business and if she was a good friend to me I'd continue the friendship and tell dh to grow up.

You are not the morality police. And you have no idea what went on or how their marriage had been.
Regardless - they are separated and are getting a divorce. It does not matter how the end happened. You are not part of it.

But yes - as your H's friendship with his friend predates it all - you don't have to stay friends with her.

it’s really not up to your DH to have an opinion on whether you can remain friends with your best friend.

Why doesn't she believe her?
She says in her post that she suspected for 6months that there was an affair

I'm glad you're not my best friend.

It makes sense that your husband is struggling with this, especially since it involves his best friend.
If staying close to her makes you feel like you're betraying your values (or your husband) it's okay to step back, even if it hurts. Real friendships can handle honesty and space, but right now, protecting your peace might need to come first.

I would back off. If she has been having an affair and lying about it you can see that she had the choice of either lying to you or putting you in an impossible position. But then once people noticed the affair you are in an unpleasant position regardless. If she just left him you wouldn’t face this issue.

As the divorce progresses you run the risk of being pulled in. When the relationship with the OM breaks up you are liable to be dragged in too. When that happens she is going to be single and wanting support from friends to an extent I would be uncomfortable with.

Not sure I would want to be associated with her.

she suspected

You asked why she believed something and I answered it. Believe and Suspect have the same meaning

"Suspect:verb
past tense: suspected; past participle: suspected
/səˈspɛkt/

1. 1.have an idea or impression of the existence, presence, or truth of (something) without certain proof.

"Believe:verb

1. 1.accept that (something) is true, especially without proof.

I would stay well out of it.
Don't take sides as you don't know the whole story and it's absolutely nothing to do with you.
If you like her, stay her friend.