Hi, my friend has cut off contact and blocked me after sending me a message about 3 weeks ago. We met about 2 years ago via my daughter who knew her through work. My daughter has a long standing friendship of about 4-5 years with this woman and thought we would get along as we were in a similar position (both middle aged, both single etc etc) so we did strike up a friendship.
I had been going through a rough patch due to relationship and quite serious health issues. My friend also had things that were rough in her life (different things to mine)
I thought over the 2 years we both had our fair share of time complaining and setting the world to rights, but then supporting each other. On many occasions I truly believe that I was a good friend and helped her, both emotionally and practically. We were at a stage in the friendship where we were messaging and calling a lot.
Since new year I had taken a slight step back because my friend had started to say that I was negative and complaining all the time and that I lived in the past, regretting decisions I had made etc etc. I realised that I had probably complained a lot and was trying to reset myself and be more mindful about being negative, so naturally I wanted to message her when I was upbeat rather than on days where I was feeling low.
So a couple of weeks went by without us messaging each other at all. Then I got a message out of the blue saying that she thought our friendship had run its course and that I had no interest in being her friend unless it was to sap energy from her, or wanted a listening ear. She said that she had been testing me to see how long it was before I checked in on her to see how she was doing. She then said that she expected to only hear from me ever again when my life had gone to shit (her exact words)
My daughter phoned me the next day (she lives in another city) and immediately started getting angry with me, saying why had I been such a bad friend to X.
I shut the conversation with my daughter down because I was shocked that my daughter already knew about it- I had not intended discussing it with my daughter, not for a while - I didn’t want to be bad mouthing my friend and really it was none of my daughters business at that stage. But obviously my friend had already said something to my daughter about it, which led to my daughter getting angry with me. It caught me completely off guard and made me feel terrible.
Now I’ve had another week or so to think about it all. I have such mixed emotions about it all. I also have a book that I need to return to my friend.
I could send it to her by post or get a brand new copy delivered to her. I could include a letter or not. Or just leave it and never contact her again, not even to send the book back. Or get my daughter to take it round next time she is visiting me (which will be early May)
I do miss my friend a lot, even though I was shocked and hurt and angry by her cutting message. My friend prides herself on being a “nice person” and providing a listening ear to all her friends. I’m now paranoid that I was the awful energy sapping person that she described.
I don’t know what to do about it really, it’s really bothering me the way it’s all ended.
I do feel like writing her a letter and either sending it with the book or just in the post.
Just don’t know what to do for the best really….