Was it nerves or something else?

[lionjay]

At a talking stage with a guy. No "official" first date but he asked to meet me on my lunch break. When texting he disclosed some concerns (he's older, doesn't want people to "know" about us, something I'm not sure I'm comfortable with for a long period). He also text and said he liked me, and he liked talking to me.

When I saw him for lunch he did not seem to want to be there. He was quiet. I could not gauge how he was feeling. He had sunglasses on so eye contact was limited, and when we sat down outside to eat he sat a bit diagonal to me so I could only see the side of his face. He rarely turned his head to look at me when talking to me, and at one point abruptly stood up to go somewhere else to talk, leaving me behind to follow.

When saying goodbye, I could see through his sunglasses enough to see him wink. But the whole thing was all so bizarre and I truly have no idea what could have been going on in his head.

Seriously? He's clearly married/in a long term relationship. Very odd behaviour.

Seeing someone new should be fun and, even accounting for first date nerves, relaxed enough not to make you feel weird or like their behaviour is "off".
If it made you feel uncomfortable, it's not for you. Move on.

That would be a no for me.

Spells out potential perpetrator material. He is telling you loud and clear how he feels you should be treated. No one is going to know about the two of you, so hiding you away, for what? and from what? That alone is a red flag, the second one is him meeting you for the first time and wearing sun glasses.

Common, don't fall for this please

I’m wondering why you are giving this any headspace at all. Please don’t spend any time trying to understand or rationalise any of this. He’s clearly made you feel confused & the whole interaction was, as you said, bizarre. PP is likely correct with the assumption he is married.

If you trying to find a reason to meet again & see where this goes, I guarantee it’s not going to end up well.

Or if you needing to justify walking away? You don’t need permission, just block & delete!

Why give anymore head space to a zero effort bloke who sounds like he’s probably in a relationship?

Unmatch, delete, move on

Married

Married. Paranoid about someone his wife knows seeing him out with you

There's more red flags here than at a red flag convention. His shifty behaviour in public is because he was worried he might be seen by someone he knows, hence the diagonal sitting, not making eye contact and subtle side wink. It's also the reason he wants you to keep the relationship quiet. He's married with a family is my bet.

Oh OP, come on!

Have some self-respect.

Why didn’t you get up and leave? In fact, why didn’t you meet him at all given he told you beforehand that he didn’t want people to know about you?

Well that’s a new one. He clearly doesn’t want to be seen with you, so yeah, he’s probably married.

Or likes pretending he is a spy🥸

Did you meet via OLD, and if so, was this your first meeting in person? How much older than you is he? I agree it sounds like he was worried about being seen out and about with you, but maybe not because he's married, as otherwise why arrange to meet in public. If he's significantly older and it was your first meeting, maybe he clocked he actually looks a lot older than you and was trying to hide behind sunglasses/felt self conscious about being on a date with someone who looks obviously younger. Just an alternative idea! However if the encounter was awkward and the chemistry wasn't there, just walk away.

Married.

Can only see you during lunchtime, hides behind glasses and wants to keep it quiet = married
please say you don’t actually want to see him again.

doesn’t want people to “know” about us

OP come on.

doesn't want people his wife to "know" about us

What am I missing here? Why would you ever consider seeing or speaking to him again?

Block, forget, move on.