My (20F) boyfriend (27M) keeps unfollowing and following his ex...

[Throwawayyy]

My (20F) boyfriend (27M) keeps unfollowing and following his ex on Instagram. We've been together for 4 months and they were together for about a year. He dated another person after that for a couple months before getting with me.

When we first started dating they were already following each other and he did tell me they were still in touch.
He doesn't know that I check his following every now and then but I did find out that he unfollowed her and she did as well.

He then refollowed her and unfollowed her, while she still kept following him after that.
Yesterday I saw that he started following her again.

They did get physical after breaking up even though she was with someone else at that time. He found out later that she hadn't broken up with this new guy like she claimed to be but he still kept in touch with her.
He did tell me that there's a high chance that she will approach him again. Currently she is engaged to someone new(she even called him for her engagement).

Idk if I should be concerned with this behaviour. I do get the feeling that he's not completely over her. Whenever he talks about her he does get a bit worked up and angry.

I'm pretty insecure about my appearance and his ex is really beautiful (he did even bring it up as a reason why he still hung onto her after breaking up).He sent me her photos which he still had saved on his drive. He said he didn't know he still had them. I'm not sure if he deleted it.
Idk if this is my insecurity talking or if I should actually be concerned. Also this is my first relationship.

He does tell me he loves me and he has never felt this way about her and everything.He doesn't call me beautiful or reassure me in any sort of way in the case of physical appearance.

I'm rambling at this point it's 2am and I'm really bothered by this whole ordeal. Idk if I'm bothered because she's beautiful or because I actually believe that he might not be over her.

Sorry if the formatting looks weird I'm on my phone. I just really wanted to get this off my chest and get some advice.

TL;DR: My boyfriend keeps unfollowing and following his ex. Should I be concerned or am I just insecure?

He's still in love with her. Get rid and find someone who can give you 💯 attention.

Work on self respect before dating again

He’s telling you loud and clear how it is. Go for dignity and dump him

I had to check both your ages (we know a boyfriend will be male btw), as this sounds like it's fresh from the pages of a teenage magazine.

Too much drama, too much mistrust to keep this one.

You've only been together 4 months, so just put it down to a bad idea and move on.

You are 20 years old.

Break up.
Get out.
Move on.
Have fun.
Live you life.

You’re 20! What are you doing wasting your energy on a near 30 year old man who shouldn’t be going near a woman who was still a teenager a few months ago. He’s gross, he’s trying to get his ex’s attention and you both need to step away from social media. The amount of threads recently about relationships and instagram/SM from younger women is staggering, seems the younger generation are absolutely addicted to living their lives through it.

The whole combination of actions of your boyfriend is a parade of red flags;

1. he has made a point of telling you his ex was really beautiful
2. he sent you photos of her
3. he does not tell you that you are beautiful
4. he has been physical with her since they broke up
5. he follows and unfollows her
6. he gets worked up when he talks about her.
7. he talks to you about his ex (why does he do this?? Usually people don't discuss their exes with their current love interest)

Do you know about boundaries? They are your own personal standards for how you want to feel with the people in your life. Most women would have a personal boundary that they don't want a boyfriend who makes them feel less attractive than their ex! So have a good think about what your boundary is.

(Also, a boundary isn't about telling your boyfriend what to do, it is about deciding what you will do when someone crosses your boundary - so in this case a healthy boundary would be to just end the relationship and move on so you can find someone who finds you attractive for being you).

@Throwawayyy well clearly he’s not over his ex. And the fact he’s following and unfollowing etc indicates they are in contact and falling out / making up.

What exactly in your relationship makes you think this is a healthy relationship that is likely to last a long time?

You know the answer to this.

He is, at the very least, hung up on someone else and you have massive self esteem issues that need resolving before you are really in a place to make good decisions about who you are with.

Otherwise you will keep picking men because you think any attention is better than no attention. The trouble is you are just a convenience to be used in the short term rather than a long term prospect in this situation.

You are better than that and deserve more than that. It's ok to be single rather than in a relationship with someone who doesn't really give a shit about you. It fact it's better to be single than let someone give you the runaround and fuck with your head.

Stop wasting your time, at 20 you should be out having fun not putting up with nonsense like this from men. You’re going to find someone better!

'whenever he talks about her'. How often is he talking about his ex's...let alone from 2 ex's ago!?

Telling you he cheated with her...telling you she'll approach him again... Nah. Fuck that. He's telling you he is ok with cheating and will. That he wants you to feel insecure.

There's a reason men of 27 date 20 year olds. Women their age are wise to this shit. It's called narcissistic triangulation by the way (when they try to play you off against another women or, in this case, the memory of one. Trying to make you feel that you don't measure up or that they still love their ex,). It's pure mindfuckery designed to make you insecure.

When you're in a relationship there's no need to say your ex might try come back because -its irrelevant! Because you are in a relationship so you're not interested in anything they have to offer.

He's telling you he'll cheat given the chance.
And he wants you to know it because he wants you insecure.

Run babe.

Get rid