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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why men behave differently infront of others

3 replies

Daisychain88 · 04/04/2025 21:40

Something is bothering me quite a lot. It's to do with my husband's 2 friends.
What I have found is this. When they see me alone they are really interactive and communicate a lot. Have long conversations etc. I see them both as brotherly by the way. They share quite a lot.
In the presence of my husband from my side im just the same but thier whole demenour changes towards me. And they avoid eye contact etc. Its made me feel really confused and also i visited one of them with my husband last night and he was so off with me but just the day before he was in full conversation with me over the garden fence! I felt so uncomfortable in his home and his wife and kids were there. Anytime i asked him something he just looked off and looked at me for a quarter of the response and then would give his eye contact to someoneelse in the room even though i asked the question? If that makes sense. It was just very odd as normally he is fully engaged away from this environment. I feel annoyed and just left their home making an excuse leaving m husband there.
I now feel like I don't even want to talk to these people as they don't seem authentic at all. And it just feels like I can't trust people at all.

They are 2 separate friends by the way. And this is why I feel paranoid. Like is it me ? Am I the problem? What is going on here?

OP posts:
SallyD00lally · 04/04/2025 21:49

Dunno, unless your husband gives off 'Don't talk to my wife' vibes?

It's weird and not something I've ever experienced.

Dawnchorussinging · 05/04/2025 08:17

Well you see them as brothers.
Do they see you as a sister?

Seems to me they are aware your DH might construe their intentions as being inappropriate so scale it back when he is present. Either because they really do have ulterior motives in their friendliness to you when he's not present or out of "respect" for him.

Daisychain88 · 07/04/2025 22:45

Thank you for your perspectives. I feel like I made a good friendship with 1 of them & now I don't know how to behave with him when I see him alone. Shall I just continue as normal or leave the friendship & put boundaries up. I'll miss the chats because they were quite therapeutic . I have no idea how they see me at all but I never felt uncomfortable with them on a 1.1

OP posts:
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