Feeling left out and disrespected

[Flowergirl755]

I've had a rough time in my relationship. First he emotionally cheated on me with his ex, texted her behind my back and told her he loved her and called her baby. He lied to my face until I found the texts. He doesn't even call me baby and it hurts me.

We ended up moving to his family town. I took out all my savings, left my job and now I'm stuck as a stay at home mom. My car needs work and I stay home 90% of the time. I'm depressed. Sometimes I get really upset and I raise my voice. It was really hard moving here especially when we stayed in a bedroom at his stepmoms house. He was distant, barely cuddled me and we started arguing about the cheating.

Anyways I guess during this time his sister got involved. He told me that she heard us arguing months ago and told him he should break up with me and explore his options. She never says Hi to me, I've always been excluded and left with the kids when everyone is together. He goes off to the side with her and I'm left watching my toddler and her children. If I come up to her she barely acknowledges me. And I feel really left out. My boyfriend knows I'm shy and have anxiety.

Anyways he told me the other day that she said I looked like a bitch to him and that I'm a bitch. The day was at the garage and I was left with the children. So I can't understand how I'm such a bitch. Obviously I'm feeling left out and it's not very fun. I feel really lonely...

I don't know if I can do this. I told my boyfriend it hurts a lot. He just says I'm always nagging... I have nothing here. :(

I need advice please. My daughter loves my boyfriend but I don't feel very loved anymore. I always initiate cuddles and sex too way more. And he has been out to the bar and I was supposed to have plans with my family but he always ruins them. I haven't seen my family in 6 months. I haven't been on a date in the same time frame... I was invited to an awesome bday party and had a hotel room waiting for us and he decided to take everything out on me that day so I never got to go. :( The other time I wanted to go to a pumpkin patch but that didn't happen. And another time I was invited to a horse fair but he didn't want to go. I haven't done anything!

The garage is the only place I can go besides our apartment. But his sister stops by a lot and I just feel unwelcome. I wanted to do a big flower garden there and was so excited and he can build things. I know he has talent and he just half assed what he made, left it all dirty, didn't interact or help me or like do it together. I bet that's the day his sister said I'm such a bitch. I'm just sad dude... ugh.

Sorry for the blabbing. I need to vent. I don't really have anyone. And my boyfriend is tired of me. I might move home but it's a small trailer and I feel like such a loser. :(

You're miserable where you are though, so why would a small trailer be worse? Take your baby and move. Boyfriend doesn't sound good. Start afresh. Do you have any of your savings left?

He's awful. His family are awful. As long as you put up with this then your confidence will be rock bottom.

Better to feel like a loser temporarily than be treated like shit by a man like that. Stand up for yourself. This is not the only man in the world. Stop setting yourself on fire to keep him warm and groveling for crumbs.

You do realise that by passing on what his sister said, effectively it is not her calling you a bitch, it is him. A normal reaction to a comment like that would have been for him to defend you, not pass on the message.

Why are you wasting your life with this piece of shit loser who doesn’t like or respect you?

Come on OP, find some dignity, pick your bar out of the gutter and walk away.

Im guessing by your language you’re in the US so it’s hard for anyone here on a UK site to give you legal or helpline advice

Do you know what I would do? I'd call my family and ask them to come and get me or I'd pack up everything and go to theirs. I'd work out what I was doing from there.

You sound really miserable and your relationship is dead in the water.

With or without a plan id be gone even if i had to bloody walk it back to my own people.

OP as a middle aged mum and nan I want to say this, you deserve more. When love is not being served, learn to leave the table. Sounds like he has no respect for you. Stop giving him time, this is going to ruing your welfare, and your daughters.
I am sure that when he wants things from you he is super sweet and the person you fell for, and then he is horrible to you which makes you feel the way you do now. This relationship is over when the respect is gone. Start showing up for your DD and you and stop dumping yourself in places you dont belong.

His sister is right in the sense that this is a dreadful relationship that doesn't seem to be making anyone happy. Go home and don't ever move, leave a job and cash in all your savings for a relationship. I would be single for a long time, have some therapy and think about why this is all you think you're worth.

You’d only be a loser if you stayed with this awful “man” who is still in love with his ex and who doesn’t like or respect you, and his equally vile family. They treat you like this because you allow it. Be strong and go back home, I assume you have a good relationship with your family? You and your kids deserve so much more than this.

Very nasty people

Thanks for all of the responses. I am going to be figuring out a situation. I have an update that officially made me realize just how excluded I am. On Friday night I got excited that my boyfriend was bringing his sister and stepbrother to hangout at our place. I patiently waited for him to get drinks and he stopped and hung with his stepbrother. And then he finally came with his sister coming around an hour after. I got drunk, we hung out and I said the most I've ever said to his sister. I was feeling kinda good and included... well his sister got my daughter to bed and then they decided to leave me. I was surprised thinking we'd hang out more or I'd stay in with my man and cuddle. I was very drunk at this point. I ended up calling multiple times and being ignored and I bawled my eyes out being drunk and upset and felt left out... :(

The day next I asked him who he hung out with. He said just his sister and a couple guys. He never mentioned another girl at all. I ended up snooping and found texts to his sister.

They had already planned together to leave me that night. My boyfriend knew the entire time and lied to me saying that he didn't expect it and that it was his mom drunk and that's why they left to the bar. No apparently they left to hang out with "Danielle". Some girl who i had no idea about and he didn't seem to mention. Which I find funny when I read these texts that I'm gonna show you guys. Because I'm losing my mind right now. I feel sick to my stomach... he lied to me. Planned it all out in advance... I'm so sickened. The blue texts are from him.

Just leave.
He doesn't respect you.
He doesn't love you.
He doesn't even seem to like you.
It's his loss, not yours.

I'm so sorry OP but your relationship is over. This bloke has zero respect for you and will keep hurting you.

And he has got his sister on board as part of his planning. God knows what he has said about you to turn her against you.
start looking for jobs and accommodation. Have you got family or friends to stay with short term?
Get as much of your money back as possible and move yourself and your kid out asap and take back your power. Leave them with none.
You can do it and do it now or it will get worse and worse xxxx

This it's really horrible to read! You don't deserve this!

You have somewhere to move back to and honestly it could be a shoebox and it would be better than how disrespectfully you are being treated. Letting him carry on like this is only likely to wear you down more. He does not seem to respect or even like you based on what he is doing.

You will be able to recover from this and the sooner you leave the sooner you can get back on your feet. So sorry and I hope you can leave soon.

You’ve posted before. There’s no future here, OP. Go home, build your life up again, find work, and never move again, far less become a SAHM, for a relationship.

I'm going to have my mom get me and hopefully she can get my car started so I don't have to leave it. I blocked his sister and I called her out, and told her they don't have to be sneaky anymore cause I'm leaving. I haven't told him quite yet because he's asleep and physically hid his phone under his body to hide these texts. Like seriously. Red flags everywhere.

This really sucks. I feel betrayed. I really thought he was my soulmate until all of this... he says it'll get better. Yeah right. He was good to my daughter and I feel so guilty but in less then a year he has lied, betrayed, disrespected and humiliated me. I lost a lot taking a risk jumping in with my heart on my sleeve like an idiot. I'm never moving away again ever. A lesson learned and a few grand lost... but atleast I'll have hope. The first thing I'm doing is going out for drinks with my Aunt while my mom babysits. Rather be poor and have hope then poor and trapped.

@Flowergirl755 you've done the right thing for you and your daughter you obviously have a great family around you Good Luck in the future

There are always two or three (!) sides. Often people aren’t right for each other much as one or both would like to be.
His sister before maybe heard her brother being spoken to in a way she didn’t like or didn’t think was right. Doesn’t sound like she and OP like each other very much either. That could explain her being off. We don’t know the full story is the point.
He still has or had feelings for his ex and sounds like he is at least sometimes not feeling it and just going through the motions with you OP. That’s really sad especially if there is a young child involved. Latest episode sounds a car crash all in and it is really needy to drunkenly melt down. That probably just all your pent up hurt and frustration coming to a head though agree sneaky behaviour never good.
OP your life overall sounds lonely and can be painful to have low self esteem which is tough. Understandable you feel resentful, left out (like you don’t matter) and why you might obsess about how you got here. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Likely seemed a good idea upping sticks and moving at the time but reality beyond a disappointment and not what you expected or wanted or what you need.
It’s won’t be easy but a small trailer and getting a career for yourself could be the reset that’s needed. Being more independent and fulfilled could also give you the perspective and clarity you need. Not a bad idea to get your Mum to collect you and draw a line under it all.
Focus on being the best Mum you can be above all else. Life for most people, certainly at times is really hard at times but you’ll get through it.

Forget his family. Just leave

Definitely get your mum to come over and help you to leave the loser and his family.