Help. Think my husband is having affair

[Thetryingmum]

Am I being dramatic/ unreasonable
Myself and my other half have been married for about 14/15 years. We have one child and have always had a steady relationship.

Our problems started about 6 years ago when he became so distant. Less sex, no effort, he’d spent soo much more time on his phone.
At least once during this week/mostly at weekends, id go to bed and he wouldn’t appear till about 4am, i would hear him talking on the phone but he always remained adament he was speaking with friends.
We both work in offices and it’s not like he goes out most weekends because he doesn’t. He would take the odd sick day or I would spend the night away with the girls. So now I’m not sure if I’m being dramatic as he never leaves the house therefore surely couldn’t be meeting anyone anywhere?
Years ago I found a pair of earrings and a 22nd happy Birthday card which really made me paranoid although he claimed he was hiding this for a friend as he didn’t want to spoil the surprise for his friends daughters birthday. Not to mention I found a ring in his trousers pocket (not fancy or engagement) just a girls ring which he said he thought was our daughters (who was 8)
suddenly the behaviour calmed down for a couple of years and I thought everything was back to normal
Until last week I saw him blatantly staring at an imagine on his phone of a girl, normally I wouldn’t think anything of this but my husband was staring at this photo. Zooming in and out, fixated. It didn’t help either that the girl was absolutely stunning and lately I’m getting no attention at all, but seriously mid 20’s. My husband could be her dad. Yuck.
I decided not to say anything as I felt like things were going good between us for a while. Although now things have changed again and idk what to do. A few nights ago he said another name whilst we were in bed. Which made me feel like crap. It all just seems so strange. 3 years of crap. To finally getting the last couple years back to us to this crap again.
Am I being unreasonable? Paranoid? Is he getting older? Should I talk to him?

I wouldn’t bother tbh. I’d leave.

Jesus christ OP, bin him! Paranoid?! I don't think so. He sounds like a sad pathetic mid life crisis type, he'll get himself a motorbike soon and get started on he script.

He's definitely up to something - get rid.

The problem is that even if it does calm down, the feeling of paranoia won't go away. There will always be a piece of jewellery or an suspicious Whatsapp message on his phone which will give you that oh so familiar sinking feeling. He doesn't have the right to put you through this and you have the right to be happy.

Sounds like you've been gaslighted and/or decided to close your eyes to his cheating over the years. But the cognitive dissonance of trying to believe what doesn't make sense won't go away.

You're not paranoid, he's not a trustworthy guy.

What do you want you happen? I can tell you that it's very unlikely that a serial cheat will stop, so if it's "I want everything to stay the same but him to be faithful", you're unlikely to get it.

what the other users said…

@Thetryingmum Yes to what all the above posters said. And one thing - I wouldn't bother putting this other girl on a pedestal and calling her 'stunning'. Your husband is probably drooling over her covered in make up, heavily enhanced Instagram photo. Idiot!

Well he’s either having an affair/affairs with much younger women, or he has a secret daughter.

I wouldn’t tolerate all that lying bullshit. You can’t trust him so the relationship is over.

Reread your initial posting op

My husband could be her dad.... .

The whole‘hiding a card for a friend’ excuse is so lame. Who the fuck has to hide a card that much that they give it to a friend for safe keeping. A card ffs.

Are you sure it’s not a daughter he’s hidden from you