Dislike for partner after baby

[Itsoneofthose]

This might belong in another subcategory but please hear me out. I knew becoming a parent would be hard but since having my baby (beautiful healthy baby) I have found one trillion and one faults with my partner!! I gave the pregnancy a lot of thought and the relationship was very steady, not perfect, but long term. Since having the baby I feel more impatient and ready to bring to an end than ever before. I feel like I’ve made such a huge sacrifice- one a man never had to make in the same way. Did any one else feel this way? I hope it passes as I do want it to work.

I think it’s normal for a period of time.

agree with the first response. it’s normal for a while but then when things don’t change or improve. a convo is needed

Do you know what is making you feel that way? Is your dp not pulling his weight or doing enough for the baby?
it could be a hormonal/exhaustion reaction or it could be he isn’t who you want to be with but you overlooked that on your desire to have a baby.

I remember feeling very close to dh after having our ds like we were a little bubble and he was amazing in those first few weeks. But then when he went back to work and we settled on to a routine I felt resentful that he was living his same life and I was now restricted. There was also a lot of issues with him not pulling his weight or not factoring us in his decisions. This has made me feel less close to him at times. And we had an amazing relationship before having kids .

How old is you dc? I wouldn’t make any big decisions in the first year unless you are really unhappy.

I agree with @autisticbookworm
You have to ask yourself whether you're resenting your partner for very valid reasons, or whether you're just exhausted, touched out and overwhelmed and need someone to blame.

If only you are exhausted and he isn't, then that's a problem. If you're both giving it your all and are exhausted, then you have nothing to resent him for. Early parenthood is rough, and sometimes no matter how hard your partner tries, he can't make it easy for you.

Unless there are very serious problems going on, like abuse, infidelity, gambling, addiction, ... I'd give it time.
My husband and I went through hell and back in the newborn stages. Almost hated each other at times. But we always jokingly said we wouldn't split up until our children were over 6 years old, because that's when it all gets so much easier - and statistically most marriages end when children are babies or toddlers.
Our youngest is 3 and we've already found each other again and fallen in love all over.

If you can, give it time. Maybe you'll learn to appreciate him for who he is.

I think this happens to everyone.

Your life changes beyond all recondition and his… not so much.

I agree you need to articulate this so the resentment doesn’t build - find tasks he can do, and make it clear what the expectation is.

@autisticbookworm thank you I really appreciate your advice. I think it’s because he lacks initiative when it comes to the baby and I feel like a constant nag. If I have to ask him or prompt him for something very obvious it’s frustrating and I struggle to ask nicely and sometimes he retaliates. He isn’t as attuned to the baby either and doesn’t respond as quickly to the cries. It’s very much the thing of feeling resentful that his life hasn’t changed quite as much in the monumental way mine has. It’s almost like an existential feeling. We have a lot of other stressors which are currently contributing.

@MidnightPatrol yup, I’m annoyed at myself- I always knew it fell mostly to the woman but then seeing other couples divide it more equally gave me a false impression. Hopefully it’ll improve.

@Girlmom35 thank you this is inspirational. He just irritates me from looking so knackered and lethargic all the time, staring at his phone and always looking for ways to distract her from him. You are right about the statistics, I’d hate to fall foul and will try and see it through until I’m out of the stats bracket, just out of sheer determination. Hopefully it will ease.