Friends forgot my birthday present and didn’t wish happy birthday

[yabaq]

Posting this again as I realised I posted in the wrong topic

my friends of over 10 years didn’t wish me a happy birthday and forgot about my present yet within the same friendship group plan weeks in advance and never don’t wish them a happy birthday. It’s done publicly on social media. They normally wish it very early too but didn’t this year for me. Normally they always do

what do I do? I feel really uncomfortable and I even spoke about the present situation and they made me feel at ease but then the same thing on my birthday happened again

we go on holiday as a group next week and I’m very unsure about going I feel very unwanted

am I overreacting or do I slowly distance myself from this friendship group

Are they good friends to you in other ways? Birthdays, possibly excluding milestone ones, become increasingly irrelevant as you get older!

Over reacting.

How old are you all ?

I get it, especially if it’s a group routine. It happened to me for a significant birthday last year and I found it incredibly hurtful as I was going through a dreadfully stressful time then and have always made such a big effort for theirs. I didn’t even get a HB on WhatsApp, let alone a card. I’ve really pulled back now and am cultivating other friends.

Talk to the friend in the group you’re closest to about it.

@Longhotsummersare you still in this friend group?

@AtrociousCircumstancei did last weekend. I spoke to everyone and they made me feel really reassured etc yet it’s back like this

I don't think you're overreacting here, you've just talked about it, yet they still forgot about your birthday? At this point it looks like a choice tbh. And I don't believe it has something to do with age, my mum's friend group always call each other or send smartshow 3d slideshows on birthdays and arrange meetups on milestone ones, even though they don't talk much from day to day (busy lives, some live in other cities, etc).

I'd be distancing myself in this circumstances. As for the holiday planned, would you go there without this friend group as well? If so, go as planned, but if you know you wouldn't, then don't.

You’ll get a lot of messages on here saying you’re being childish.
But I agree with you, I always take time to acknowledge friends birthdays so find it hurtful if mine is ignored, I actually recently ended a friendship with this being one of the (many many) reasons why I felt undervalued. It doesn’t take much effort to reach out in my opinion.
if I was in your shoes I’d see how the holiday goes first then make a decision. x

What do you mean you ‘even spoke about the present situation’?

@Spiaggioit has been brought up in conversation thinking someone is off with you so I said yeah that’s how I felt with the present situation and they were lovely and reassured me then the same thing happened again for my birthday

This all sounds very high school and if you skip a holiday because of it, even more so!

But ‘thinking someone is off with you’ is an entirely different thing to not being wished happy birthday. Are you saying that you’ve felt something is not right in your friend group recently?

@NeuroSpicyMumof3maybe it does but I’m an awkward person at the best of times and then feeling unwanted on a holiday just feels like the worst idea of a holiday to me

@yabaq I am but I have other friendship groups I now prioritise instead. We still see each other and I work with one of them (I got her the job) but it’s hard to feel as warmly about them as before.

But is it not a matter of them just forgetting, rather than malice? I have no idea when my closest friends’ birthdays are, for instance. I don’t see why you think this means you’re ’not wanted’ on a holiday. And to be honest, I approach holidays in terms of ‘Do I want to go on this holiday?’, not ‘Does everyone else want me to go on this holiday?’ Do you not want to go?

I sort of get it . When a close friend had a significant birthday I got tickets for a show I knew she would love and took her for dinner before the show . When it was my special birthday I had an event the week before my actual birthday. My friend said she would give me my present on my actual birthday but I never got anything . It was strange as she always brings a present on a “normal” birthday . I never said anything but I was hurt .