How do you navigate the terminal months of an unpleasant in-law?

[GeoFizz]

An in-law has a terminal diagnosis, very sad, relatively young.
But she has always been unpleasant. It was tough navigating it when we were younger - did she really just say that.
As we got older we just kept more of a distance.
The awful diagnosis suggests we should pull together but DH is very reluctant and we are many hours distant.

Anyone been here before? Any suggestions? I want to support DH so he can eventually grieve without guilt. And I don't want grieving in-laws lashing out at us for an accidental slight.

If your DH isn't interested, leave it be. It's absolutely nothing to do with you, take a backseat and let your DH decide what he wants.

Support your DH only
If he wants to visit go with him and wait outside, if he wants to ignore her then support that too

Just support your DH; whatever he wants to do is fine. The relationship may have been difficult for both of you but the FOG and familial affection is his alone to navigate.
Such a hard time for you both.

You are many hours away and your DH isn't close to them.

Realistically your contribution to 'pulling together' was always going to be small just due to the distance, even if the relative was lovely.

Support your DH and accept whatever he wants to do, even if that is carry on with fairly minimal contact.

It's the Fog and other people's expectations. We/I make a lot of assumptions when you hear a headline of bad news. The reality is we are not close geographically or emotionally.

Just be as kind, helpful and supportive as you can. Ascribe any negatives to the condition/situation.

Tell your OH your support him. If he wants to suddenly see her, that's ok, if he doesn't want to be involved, that's ok too. Talk to him and tell him all of it is his choice and support him with what he decides.

I have the same issue - I'm just supporting DH with what he's trying to do but it's hard because she's an absolute cow and narcissist- blabtlyvnasty ti even her own grand children - horrible woman!