Fear of being alone for the rest of my life

[OliveHedgehog]

Hi everyone,

I’m 25 and I’ve never dated anyone. I keep finding myself in the same loop of meeting a man I really like and who seems to like me, only for it never to go anywhere, even when I tell them how I feel. It’s as if I’m never quite good enough or the compatibility isn’t right. Or maybe I just fall for the guys who are just being nice. I just feel so alone and like this is how it’s going to be for the rest of my life and as much as I try to be okay with that, I can’t accept it.

I’m just wondering if any of you can offer any advice or perspective on what I’m feeling the now.

The reality is, the number of people you're genuinely compatible with is quite slim. Men seem to be growing up later and later now, thanks to OLD, I think because of the sheer number of 'options'.

Don't panic, you're still very young, far too yoing to worry about your love love being dead in the water! Date, meet new people but don't invest too much too soon. Make sure your prioritise your own well being a cultivate a good life for yourself with fulfilling relationships other than romantic ones, career (if you're wired that way) and interests. A good romantic relationship should be the cherry on top, not the whole cake.

Just keep an open mind. Let your friends know you’d be happy to be set up, go out, do not turn down any invites! The more people you meet, the more chances you have. Don’t approach them as potential partners, but as potential friends.

I would get busy. Join a club, sports team, do some classes and get out there to meet new people. Try meetup.com

Alongside that, do online dating - you need a thick skin but if you're ruthless with weeding people out and go on lots of dates, you should hopefully meet someone.

Read up on red flags to ensure you're not wasting your time.

Men aren’t really worth dealing with until they’re in their late 20’s. Before that they’re very much about themselves. Generally.

You’ve got plenty of time! You need to be out and about living your life.

My advice would be that when you do start dating, don't stay with the bloke because you think it is your best or only chance. Don't go into it feeling obliged to him for taking you on. Don't go into it feeling as if you must be flawed and are lucky to have anyone at all. Don't go into it feeling as if he knows more about relationships than you so his choices count for more. Go into it with your eyes wide open, ready to end it if he is not what you want, and knowing that you have standards.

In the meantime, enjoy your own body so that you know what you want a future partner to do in bed. Enjoy your life so that you know how your life with a future partner should feel.