Altercation at social group

[Ringrings]

My boyfriend set up a social group but took a back step in recent years on others ran the group. 2 years ago one woman called ‘Lisa’ confided in him and said a woman called ‘Sarah’ in the group grabbed and assaulted her by shaking her over a disagreement when they attended a different social group. My partner was impartial as he had not witnessed this and it did not happen at his group.

Recently another woman ‘Alice’ tried to publicly post that Sarah had shouted an abusive obscenity as she drove past her and was trying to smear her. Alice is now saying another woman was assaulted at a coffee meetup 7 weeks ago. No-one reported any assaults. My boyfriend told this woman to go to the police.

Lisa is now having a go at my partner saying she told him years ago and he did nothing. That was unfair as he did not know what the truth is.

I met Sarah last year and she randomly brought up Lisa and was really angry talking about her. I just listened to her and she seemed angry and I don’t want to say the wrong thing. It was though she wanted people to know what Lisa is like.

Tonight my partner banned Sarah from the group. He never even got a response from the woman who was allegedly assaulted recently. Did he do the right thing banning her? Sarah was a regular and the other 2 stopped attending years ago.

Did he give Sarah the right of reply or just go on what the accuser said?
Why was Sarah angry about Alice?

He didn’t even ask Sarah. He really annoys me as he has done this before just bans people based on one person’s side of the story and I sometimes think the other party who complained is bad but he has taken sides. An example was a woman met a bloke alone and then complained he wanted to date her yet our group rules are don’t meet alone. He removed the bloke and let her stay, that was wrong as she chose to meet someone on her own. Plus a lot of men who meet alone are not exactly looking for friendship.

I don’t know why Sarah was exploding asshe didn’t go into detail but I sense she doesn’t like people falling out with her.

@Ringrings I think you need to get some proper adult social groups!!!

What do you mean by social group? Is this mates who meet up at the pub? A brass band with formal membership? Or a social meet-up for vulnerable adults with mental health issues?

Because I think the response is different depending upon the nature of the group. If the latter with vulnerable adults, they hopefully have a safeguarding policy in place and hopefully he’s followed it. If it’s a group with formal membership but no safeguarding policy, then whoever currently leads the group (not your boyfriend who has taken a step back) should be dealing with disputes and suspending membership.

If this is just like mates who go play D&D together in a function room once a month, I don’t know if you can ‘ban’ anyone. You can certainly give them a stern talking to and ask them not to return or the active group members can decide to meet privately (someone’s house) to avoid them.

The social group was a friendship group set up on Facebook after lockdown. He can suspend people in the group.

It would not surprise me if Sarah has assaulted people. I just find it hard this taking sides with no evidence. Someone else who was at the coffee meet right to the end did not witness anything and said why is the assault being raised via a 3rd party 7 weeks later.

I personally would want to hear all sides of the story and not just hearsay.