Hand hold needed

[Babygrey0]

Hand hold needed. End of a 3 year relationship today, and whilst I know it’s for the best, it still hurts like hell. It hasn’t been the perfect relationship, far from it, there been arguments where he’s used the silent treatment against me and I’ve crawled back. He’s twisted things I’ve said to cause arguments. It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster to say the least.
Today he’s told me he’s done, ok this isn’t the first time he’s done it but all the other times I’ve sort of talked him round..this time I couldn’t, I even tried to hug him but I was pushed away.
I know I’m a fool, I know I deserve better but I can’t just switch my feelings for him on and off like a tap. I wish I could. I just feel so lost and a bit desperate. I can’t even cry, I’m just numb. I don’t know how I’m going to get through it.

You will feel better for ending it and sticking to that decision because there will be no more silent treatments or arguments.

I didn’t know how I would cope without my ex but I very quickly realised how peaceful life was without him.

You’ll be fine.

It wasn’t me that ended it, it was him. It’s not what I wanted, it’s what I should want but I just don’t

YOU ARE NOT A FOOL.

What he is doing is emotional and coercive control by using the silent treatment, changing the narrative and dumping you when you dont comply.

Please remember that YOU are better off.
Also, he will come back, the question is are you going to keep taking him back of find your worth? 3 years is a long time to allow someone to destroy you like that.

You take one day at a time. You will get angry at how he's treated you. Keep repeating "I deserve better".

Start doing things to distract yourself. Plan things - a jog, a walk, visit to the park, see friends, a trip to the city, see family, decorate, bake, knit, theatre trip..anything.

Time will make this easier. Just remember - he's a knob.

I just feel so hurt and I think a little bit ashamed that I’ve allowed myself to be treated this way. I pleaded with him today but he was so cold towards me. I asked how he could be so cold and he said he was “keeping it together”
I asked if he loved me, he said he did and always has but he was just done.
I’m shaking and can’t think straight. I’m trying to talk myself out of going to see him tomorrow, I know that’s the worst thing I can do. I don’t want to go begging but when it comes to him I am weak.
I sound pathetic typing this out and if this was someone else saying this I’d be the first one to tell them to get a grip and see it for what it is.

He’s dumping you to control you , he us expecting you to come begging , please don’t
can you afford therapy to get to root if why you gave such low self esteem

I can guarantee ALL of us are weak during the early, very raw stages of a breakup. Do not go see him. Do not do the “pick me” dance.

It’s natural to feel like this but your recovery won’t/can’t happen overnight. There is no magic switch. Your emotions are naturally all over the place.

I can assure you that going no contact on absolutely every social media & phone outlet is the way to go. You have to take him at his word, seize control and cut him off.

From my experience, (and believe me it happens to all age groups) give yourself at least six months of levelling up and moving forward. Get yourself back out there, see your mates, take up a hobby, join the gym or go swimming and start to move on. Plan a holiday either with a friend or find out about solo holidays. Seek counselling if you think it might help. Set yourself some goals.

I found some of the UK relationship coaches on Instagram helpful. They still pop up on my feed occasionally.

The relationship was not right. Given time, I hope you’ll look back and accept that he’s not the one for you.

Please do not see him. not now. You'll plead - he might sleep with you but you won't change his mind. Then you'll feel 100 x worse.
You're in shock so please try not to make any personal life decisions right now, just give yourself time. There's not a lot I know of that will stop the hurting, but there's plenty you can do to make it worse, so just try to avoid those things. Don't be with him - don't throw yourself under someone else, don't be alone, try to be with friends and family.
It'll take a while, don't rush yourself.