My child (13) despises BF. Help.

[manytimeposternames]

So I've been divorced from my child's dad for ~4 years now.
Child has AUdhd.
I found my now-partner around the same time as I divorced the dad but didn't tell the child about this.
Child has known about him for about ~2 years now.
Since then, they've met a couple times and my child absolutely despises him. They believe I cheated on their father for him.
It's turning into a hatred of me now because of how much they hate this man.
I don't know what to do. Should I break up with him? I call him/talk to him every day and DC knows this. I fear it might legitimately totally my relationship with DC to stay with him because they clearly despise both me and him.
Help wanted

Edit: Wanted to add DC is an only child and has a good relationship with their father.

Oh IT’S IN THE FUCKING TITLE FUCKS SAKE

😵‍💫😡😵‍💫😡😵‍💫😡😵‍💫😡😵‍💫😡😵‍💫😡😵‍💫😡😵‍💫😡😵‍💫😡😵‍💫😡😵‍💫😡😵‍💫😡😵‍💫😡😵‍💫😡😵‍💫😡😵‍💫😡

I’m a twat. Sorry.

Keep them separate. Would you socialise with someone you don’t like? Your teen has so little power in their life that they re having a very strong reaction. It might calm down if you reduce the amount you talk about your boyfriend

If he takes her out in his car to places she wants to go and gives her pocket money she will come round

Is this a joke?

Oh give over. If this is true then your daughter is just a little 💩

Teenagers are incredibly self serving. For some, only some I stress, when you add Autism into the mix ( often co morbid with ADHD), you can times that by ten.

I understand what that poster meant.

I also grew up with a few mum boyfriends and it was too much for me to deal with. For that reason I'd never try combine the 2. If I did introduce a guy ( not happening in my situation) I'd wait until later teenage years.

Was just going to say the same

Haha, I think we’ve all been guilty of that cardinal sin at some point.

I do already try to keep the two as separate from eachother as possible but he is still clearly on DC's mind.
@Snorlaxo No discussions of marriage etc but I'm not planning on ending things with him - I envision a future together but probably no marriage. He doesn't live with us.
@Wishyouwerehere50 Child is not male.

You deserve a life. Have you sat child down and asked - what are you upset about? What don't you like and why? And then be really prepared to listen.

I'm really inclined to say keeping this separate is so important for the wellbeing of kids. I've lived it and it's an incredibly anxiety inducing experience. We know instinctively that these partners don't care for us. That's frightening.

However, you can't be dictated to. The father is doing it. If child is controlling that's not fair and you need a break.

Could you cope simply seeing them outside the home and when your child isn't there?

Kids come first. Always. End of.

Kids should come first but they can’t claim to hate you until you stop doing something they don’t like.

Kids grow up and leave. You need a life too.

And if the child's needs mean that they don't leave home? When does OP get to live her life?
OP isn't moving this man in, she's not blending the families

She's having a relationship independent from her children.
They don't have to do anything with him. But they do have to learn they can't control their mother.

I would absolutely agree with this IF the op was moving the BF in or forcing her dc to spend any time with him, or like the poster above, going on car journies with him (wtf btw) but she’s not, in fact her relationship has no impact whatsoever on her dd. In this case, it’s kinda important to teach the dd that her mum is human too and allowed friends.

I've been split from my partner for nearly three months. I've been doing OK. I decided to end it. He drank a lot in the evenings and could be nasty on drink. Never physical but just argumentative at times. I lost count of the amount of rows we had on alcohol over the last five years. We've had good times too of course. My son has Aspergers and my partner struggled to understand the way my son acts. My son is a good kid. Quiet and reserved. He's 20. My partner said he didn't feel welcome in my home as my son stood and looked at him on the stairs. He's just awkward. Big deal and get over it! I got tired of him picking at things about my son and being a that on drink. He says he wants me back, will cut out spirits as they don't agree with him and accepts my son now. He keeps messaging and saying we need to talk in person. I'm so reluctant as I've been doing OK and he seems a lot lonelier than me tbh. I found it tiring looking after my son and keeping a relationship going as well and keeping a partner happy. On top of that i have my dog who is very clingy and goes most places with me as she cries in the house when i leave snd my son doesnt like to hear her crying. A lot of people with Aspergers have sensory issues. I feel he resented that I always put my son first. I'm sad and feel bad as we have had good times but am reluctant to go back to balancing it all again. He's lonely and I feel bad about that. Another thing is that I have added some men on Facebook. Totally harmless but if I go back with him he will expect me to unfriend them all! He can be quite jealous. What the helll do i do?

Maybe start your own thread and not hijack OP's.