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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do I keep trying or move on.

5 replies

Sallym80 · 01/04/2025 22:32

I’ve been with my husband 11 years, we have a daughter 3 and I have a son from a previous. I have been very lucky growing up as I have come from quite wealthy parents who help me in every way possible. They got me my cars, helped me when I was left pregnant with my eldest & helped with a deposit for our house. My husband and I have been going through real tough times & it’s pretty much make or break. We are selling our house & im unsure I want to move and carry the relationship on, I’ve been unhappy for a while and can’t move to new and feel the same. My husband never listens & if everything is going his way he’s nice as pie but if something doesn’t suit he changes.
falling out he tells me how I’m incapable of doing anything and it’ll be my dad sorting everything out if we split. He says I’m useless just like my sister and son. He’s happy to use my dad’s money to benefit him eg deposit for our house but if things turn nasty he’s quick to remark how pathetic I am that I cant fund myself. He wanted me to agree to buy a house with him that I’ve not even looked at in an area I’m not that bothered for living. My son from a previous doesn’t live with us now him & my husband have zero relationship. My husband is mad cos I’m going away with my sister and my kids, he says we do everything separate & we should be going as a family. I asked him if it was ok for me to go 3 times & he said I could if I wanted to, he didn’t even want to go with our daughter yet as he wouldn’t be able to do what he wanted and he’d be stuck round a splash pool he says.
I’m getting really bad anxiety with it all, I feel like if I stay for my daughter I’m doing the wrong thing for my eldest son but if I leave I’m feeling so guilty on my youngest. My husband wants a fresh start in a new house and all I want more than anything is to have that family life and for my youngest to have his parents together. Help 🙁

OP posts:
Maitri108 · 01/04/2025 22:37

How old is your son?

Why are you asking your husband permission to go away? Do you often ask his permission?

Are you getting bad anxiety because your husband is always on at you?

AcquadiP · 01/04/2025 22:41

He doesn't sound at all pleasant unless things are going his way. Do you really want your daughter growing up in an environment in which her father makes nasty remarks about her mother? That's not healthy and I'm not surprised you have anxiety. This is your chance to break free and have your own home free from this toxicity.

ohnowwhatcanitbe · 01/04/2025 22:42

He sounds very unpleasant and contemptuous towards you. Do you really want to bring your young dc up in a home with a dad who treats their mum like that? You have wider family support, and I think you'd have to be crackers to stay with him.

Quitelikeit · 01/04/2025 22:44

Where is your son now and how old was he when he moved out of your family home?

Sallym80 · 02/04/2025 09:00

My son is 17 now & he’s living with his dad he has done for the past two years. I feel so bad on our daughter if we split up, she doesn’t take change well and I’m so worried how she’s going to adapt to a new house without us both in it.

OP posts:
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