DH so Miserable about work - for years.

[Americanlaw]

DH just came home, and told me how crap his job is. They’ll pinch his ideas, cut his project and he’ll never get promoted. But he won’t get his cv out, until this or that happens.
Then he says would I do the garden with him. I don’t actually want to be around if he’s miserable, or maybe he’s just venting and is now fine.
ive spent the day looking after his dad who is living with us and trying not to get involved with his mum who is nuts and can be really nasty. I get that she’s old I’ll etc, but. I’m fed up with reassuring etc his dad.
im also really fed up with DH being so negative about his job all the time. I’ve listened and cheered him in for years. He feels like he never gets promoted, and they pinch his very good ideas - and kick him off the project. he is a very clever scientist, and his ideas are very good.
how do I deal with the negativity? It’s soooooo draining.

He needs to take responsibility for his own happiness. If he doesn’t like his workplace then he has to take steps to find another job. You could sit him down and say, I understand you’re miserable in your work and I empathise with you’re situation but I feel that things will only change if you take the necessary steps to make the change. If that means getting a new job then I fully support you to do that. However, I am feeling it impact my mental health because being around someone who’s so unhappy for so long is draining me. I love you very much and I want you to be happy. What would you like to do to change this situation?

I would leave the in-laws for another day. Could you afford some kind of home help for them if they required personal and/or medical care?

Do you have a paid post also? You seem to be finding DH and FIL irritating in them expressing frustration or seeking reassurance. MIL also not your favourite person. Could be including if you don’t have a job where those things are happening like DH, that overall your realities are very different. Your post does appear dismissive and lacking empathy for those around you imho. This could suggest you don’t have the same level of pressure as your DH. If it’s a drain to listen to, imagine how it might feel to live or feel it? Day after day. Of course put up or shut up has to happen at some stage but for me does seem the impact on you is your main focus.

It's tolerable if just wants to vent for a bit and doesn't expect more than a few head nods or mmm hmms . It's a different story when you are the emotional punchbag though. Also bear in mind that he may be a difficult or different person at work....

Have you heard the saying “if you meet an arsehole in the morning, you met an arsehole. If you met one in the morning, another at noon and another in the evening…you’re probably the arsehole”? I have butchered that somehow but the point is - is it the job or is your DH not as high performing as he makes out?

thank you everyone, you’ve given me pause for thought about my thoughts!
today he told me a good meeting happened, but he then focuses all night on the less good meeting.
dont know how to give him more confidence.
thank you!