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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm really struggling...

13 replies

33F · 01/04/2025 15:02

My ex of 7 years spilt up with me just over two weeks ago, the reasons being that he says he cannot have a child with me, I've always made it clear that I wanted my own family. He has two children 16, 18 from a previous relationship the ex is a bit of a nightmare I've supported him through so much in the last 7 years and he has toyed with the idea of having children and has said so many times that he wants me to have his children. then goes back on the idea. I'm under the hospital for suspected fertility issues which he is aware of. we ended up having an argument. I really love him like the kind of love that you don't find again. He says he still loves me and I'm his best friend and is hurting but why can't he commit to me fully I've sent him a letter via post to explain how I'm feeling and what could be salvaged from this. Any advice would be appreciated? We have the most amazing attraction towards each other and it isn’t lust it’s passionate and meaningful. We have Coldplay coming in in August and it’s quite special to us as it was the first song we kissed to. And I was desperate to see them live and with him. After he left me 3 weeks ago he said he had no intention of selling the tickets as he said I would be the only person on earth that he would want beside him. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this?

OP posts:
Avegtheme · 01/04/2025 15:07

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StrawberryWater · 01/04/2025 15:07

Cut him loose before he ages you out of your fertility (if he hasn't done so already).

He will string you along and take advantage until he knows that you can no longer have a child and then oh look he's back and being the so-called great man again.

He's spent 7 years saying maybe. Get rid.

Avegtheme · 01/04/2025 15:07

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Avegtheme · 01/04/2025 15:08

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StrawberryWater · 01/04/2025 15:10

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No he's still stringing her along.

Read the bit about the concert tickets.

Regardless of who cut whom loose though op does need to leave things be. This man is a tool and she shouldn't be sending him letters etc.

Sulu17 · 01/04/2025 15:11

You say that you won't find love like this again. You might be very surprised to find that that is not necessarily the case. Frankly, the way he has messed you around, love for you the next time may be better and more honest.

I think it's going to take you time to grieve but you will start to feel better. He's done you a favour by ending it properly.

Edited it to say I see he still wants to go to the concert with you. You're the 'only person on earth' he'd go with? really? Does he know everyone on earth?

Avegtheme · 01/04/2025 15:14

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Beamur · 01/04/2025 15:16

Don't waste what fertility you have on this man.
He's strung you along long enough.

Quietsheep · 01/04/2025 15:18

He has ended it and it is over.

He has rather messed you around with constant mind changing.

Move on.

Find someone else to have kids with.

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 01/04/2025 19:42

No contact for 3 weeks and I mean 0 do not send any messages. He will be back and if he isn't lots.more men xx

33F · 03/04/2025 08:18

Thank you for your advice, it's a difficult one as he has just told me he's booked tickets for us to go to Royal Ascot. Which is in June. I saw him last weekend and we ended up kissing and it felt natural and he says he finds me more attractive since we parted. It's very strange as I think he does want to be with me, only he can make the decision I cannot and won't force it, He hasn't mentioned the letter so I'm not sure if he has it and is not mentioning it or if he hasn't received it yet. But I do agree I need to go missing to see how he really feels.

OP posts:
PeggyMitchellsCameo · 03/04/2025 11:10

Don’t go missing to see how he really feels. He’s already shown you.
If your female partner wants children and you don’t, and you end the relationship, the respectful thing to do would be to leave her to heal, not bang on about going to see Coldplay and buying tickets for the races.
He is now in a spot where he has you where he wants you - you aren’t together. He knows you are upset, but by chucking you a few crumbs he gets to do what he wants and when he wants.
I am not sure how old you are, but trust me, you will find someone better suited to you than this man.
If you continue contact with him you are going to keep getting hurt repeatedly.

Fioratourer · 03/04/2025 12:11

It’s so early in your break up but he doesn’t want the same things as you. He has set you free to find someone else but take your time and look after you. You don’t have to go to a concert with him he doesn’t get to decide. Personally I wouldn’t go there will be other chances and better situations! I just read your update why is he presuming you don’t mind that he’s dumped you but will still go with him? Maybe he wants to be single but have you for social events? I think you need to stand up to him op.

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